Willaim73's Journal

Its still a struggle.  I am taking a new drug called Imuran.  Is it working.  Well i have had no relapse of pancreatitis but the side effects from the drug are many and annoying.  so far i still have no function and my blood sugar levels are always out of wack.  Still have to take the Viokase 16 in large doses to eat.  So as far as getting my pancreas to work as a goal?  Still a no go unfortunately.  Just went through a tough weekend.  Was sick and in much pain.  My whole body hurts.  Moving is a chore and sleeping is difficult.  I know the Imuran is imprtant to my recovery but the side effects are getting me down.  Sometimes i wish they would have just taken out the whole pancreas and be done with it.  At least then i would know what to expect and how to deal with it on a regular basis instead of all this jumping around and playing catch up.  I'm on so many drugs now i feel like i'm a pharmacy.  On top of it all i am now having seizures.  Oh joy, yet another pill to take to stop the convulsions.  I'm 35 years old and i'm in worse condition than my 93 year old grandmother.  I'm trying to stay possitive but i feel like i'm drowning slowly here.  I stay busy all the time so i don't have to think about it.  Thinking just leads me down the road to depression and that is something i really don't need right now.  What really bugs me is how healthy everyone around me is.  There is a certain amount of disreguard that goes with it to.  Whne i eat at my inlaws for example they will prepare all this nice fatty foods that i cannot eat and appologise to me after wards for forgetting that i can't eat fatty foods.  So i'm left with sitting around watching everyone else eat.  Same at work when we have lunch meetings.  They know my condition but will order cakes and pastas and pizzas.  So again i'm left sitting around listening to the apologies and watching everyone else eat.  I'm sick and tired of the apologies.  I know they don't care so quit apologizing.  I have come to the conclusion that you have to take care of yourself.  No one else gives a damn.  So i fall back to my original life style.  If you want something done do it yourself because if you rely on someone else to do it prepare to be disapointed or let down.  I know i'm not alone in life but sometimes it sure as hell feels like it.   

So far what is left of my pancreas after the Whipple's surgery is not working.  I am unable to digest food without the help of my viokase.  My pancreas is still really sick from my disease.  I am going to start taking a new trial drug to see if it will help with the inflamation and suppress the Autoimmune attack.  So far the Prednisone is helping but it is not recomended i take it for the rest of my life and deffinately not a 40 mg a day.  Hopefully the new pill works for me.  Possible side affect is the supression of bone marrow production and in rare cases it has been known to trigger leukemia.  But the long term benifits are looking good.  Studies show this drug to work in most cases for people in my situation.  Lets hope this works.  I really want a Chili dog.   :)