MRSMILL's Journal

Journal Entry for May 23, 2008 Mood

Friday, May 23, 2008

This Friday I feel a little different than last Friday I feel okay. Seems like my mood just keep changing. I use to be such a happy person, now I am a miserable lady. I hope thats not what people start calling me. I don't want to take my problems out on others. I am not that type of person. People use to call me smiley but now its hard to crack a smile, but I really try to put up a front. I listened to a lot of different music than what I would normaly listen too. My taste in music has totally changed. I know I cant listen to any slow songs it just reminds me of my sweetie. Today was a better Friday I stayed busy doing things around the house. Who knows what tomorrow will be like. I am glad I am getting along with my in-laws now & I had a real pleasant talk with them. I am really prays that it stays this way. They are still my family

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TODAY IS MEMORIAL DAY & I TOOK MARGIES ADVICE & SENT BALLONS TO MY HUSBAND TODAY WITH ALONG WITH A LETTER. IT FELT GOOD. MY FAMILY SAID THAT WILL BE A NEW TRADITION WE WILL DO EVERY YEAR. TODAY I FELT SOME WHAT NUMB & I DO NOT LIKE FEELING LIKE THAT. I THINK I AM GONNA GIVE UP THE ANTIDEPRESSANTS. IT HELPS MY PAIN A LITTLE BUT TODAY WAS HARD BUT NOT AS HARD AS OTHERS.I AM A VERY EMOTIONAL PERSON WHEN I THINK ABOUT MY HUSBAND. TODAY I WAS THINKING ALMOST LIKE HE IS STILL WITH ME SO I SHOULD NOT FEEL SO BAD. MY SISTER EVEN SAID WELL U DON'T HAVE TO A WRITE A LETTER BECAUSE HE ALREADY KNOW WHAT ITS GONNA SAY HE'S WITH U ANYWAY.I ONLY CRIED ABOUT 5 MINUTES TODAY. MY TEARS WERE SHED VERY LOW TODAY. IT SEEM SO UNREAL. TODAY WAS OK LETS SEE WHAT MOOD I WILL BE IN TODAY.

MRSMILL
I USUALLY CRY AT LEAST HALF OF THE DAY 5 MINUTES FOR ME IS NOT WHAT I AM USE TO.

MRSMILL
That was a great idea, wish I had thought of that. I had a very emotional day.. They have been better lately then all the sudden a hard day comes in.. That was today.. I wish us peace. (Hug)

Sandie203
TODAY I FELT OKAY MAYBE BECAUSE I STAYED BUSY AT WORK. SO I REALLY DID NOT HAVE TIME TO CRY ALL DAY OVER MY DECEASED HUSBAND. PICTURES OF HIM WERE NOT HARD FOR ME TO LOOK AT TODAY. I KEPT LOOKING AT OUR WEDDING PICTURE SMILING. HE MADE ME SO HAPPY. I THOUGHT I WOULDNT HAVE EVER FOUND A GOOD MAN UNTIL I MET HIM. LAST NIGHT I DREAMED HE WAS MARRIED BEFORE HE MET ME THAT DIDNT FEEL GOOD AT ALL. BUT IT WAS JUST A DREAM SO I HAVE TO GET THAT OFF MY MIND. I WANNA THINK NOTHING BUT GOOD THOUGHTS ABOUT HIM. THE MAN THAT SWEPT ME OFF MY FEET THAT I WILL ALWAYS LOVE. TOMORROW I WONDER CAN I LOOK AT PICTURES. WE WILL SEE, BECAUSE I AM TIRED OF THE MELTDOWNS. I NEED TO BE STRONG EVEN THOUGH ITS HARD TO.

MRSMILL