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Ok, so for the past week or so my son has been on this stupid, "I don't like you" kick... if he gets mad at you he says, "I don't like you!" and runs to his room... Yesterday, I go to pick him up at the daycare and the director and his teacher Nathan pull me to the side, Tanner was talking during a movie and Nathan told him to stop. Tanner looked at him and then continued to talk, so Nathan told him to come sit by him. When he got over there Tanner told Nathan, "I don't like you and I don't have to listen to you!" He got sent to the office and now he can't go on the field trip in Thursday. So, I told Tanner he was in a lot of trouble when we got home. I put him in time out, then I gave him dinner and a bath and tried to talk to him, I told him that saying things like that is disrespectful and mean. That just because he is angry with someone doesn't mean that he can say that. I told him that when he makes bad choices he has to face the consequences and one of those consequences is going to bed early. He started crying and yelled, "I don't like you!"
Moms and Dads, What am I doing wrong? How can I correct this behavior before it gets out of hand?
Comments
So father's day started out really well...
We went to breakfast with my Daddy, Grandma, Aunt and Uncle and cousins… it was nice… they REALLY liked Kenny!
Then we dropped the kids off at my mother’s so they could see Josh for fathers day… everything went fine until Kenny went to put the kids in the car after we picked them up, I was left alone with Josh and my mom and he started yelling at me… Then we had to drive by where he was walking and he pretended like he was shooting at the car, I took that as a death threat, I was really worried. Then he called and said that he didn't know what he was going to do... coming from him I didn't know what to expect… I filed a police report with the county I live in and the county he lives in b/c he was threatening me, so at least it is documented… then he called me saying he was sorry and that I wouldn’t have to worry about him anymore, that he was going to do a “Hot Shot” (cocaine, battery acid and rat poison in a needle) he said that he had it all ready to go, I tried to get him to talk to me, but he wouldn’t… he just said to tell the kids he loved them and then hung up… he called from a restricted number so I couldn’t’ call him back… my mom said that it was all my fault if he kills himself… whatever…
Then today, I get a text from my mom, his friends found him on the floor with blood coming out of his nose and mouth... I don't knwo what hospital he is at so I can't call to confirm... I feel like the worst person in the world, bc I HONESTLY WANTED HIM TO DO IT! I don't know if he is alive, I don't even know if he did it, but I can't stop crying b/c either way I am in a really crappy situation... Then my mom wants to txt me to tell me that it is all my fault b/c I took his kids away from him! WTF!!!!
Comments
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He is your EX, period.
Go on with your life. If you can't do it where you are, go somewhere else.
The drama will continue as long as you speak to your mother. Decide what is best for you and your children.
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Correct!!! He is the EX and you know that he plays to the crowd. He is a master manipulator who has the people you love convinced that he is the injured party here. I knnow how hard it is not to blame yourself, but you can't do that. Keep your thoughts and affirmations going in the right direction, sweetie. If you have to, call the local hospitals, the ones in the metroplex and search him out. Remember, if he is deceased, the kids get his social security!!!!!! (sorry, I know that is mean)
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Hun, listen...he is your ex...he is laying the guilt trip on you...he is an attention seeker. So what if he is alive or not...what do you care? He is stupid enough to do that, then he should be in a psych ward on suicide watch. Now, there is no way he can see y our kids anymore as this attempted suicide is now on record. He actually did you a favor. Dont get sucked in to his bullshit.
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Nana....You are my kind of girl.LOL
Sweetie YOU cannot control another person.HE made the choices he made and if he is really sick or even dead that is not YOUR fault.I would think about putting a little space between you and mom til she gets some sense.Who's team is she on? You are doing the right thing and I am SO glad you reported his behavior .Stick to your guns and follow your intuition.You are doing a great job.:)
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I am so happy for you. He was trying to get pty probably just anotheraction pp like this do. His kids will be much better off without him. You would be better off without your mother.
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bear hugs darlin, u have no control over what your ex does or doesnt do, if he so chooses to take his life thats his choice not yours and by no means did u have any sway over whether he did it or not
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everyone else said it good, he is your X , it's not your fault , my x did the same thing except with pills. people like them manipulate you. quit talking to your mom for awhile too. it helps
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I'm not in a good mood at the moment..my comment is to say Fuck off mom..he was a horrible husband and father..HE made those choices,and you refuse to play along with the poor ex husband game.
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Do not feel guilty hon. you should know that it isn't your fault here. He obviously needs help, but not from you. Maybe the silver lining is he will now get it. If he doesn't make it well it was his choice to do this. As far as mom is concerned what the hell is she thinking taking his side over her own daughters. You have been through enough hon, let him go and maybe cut the ties with mom too if she is going to be a trigger for guilt feelings. You do not need that. Stay strong and tell them to kiss your...
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He is a big boy now, nothing u do or say will make any difference! ..besides he aint yr problem any more! U cant stay with someone incase they might commit suicide..He could keep u forever then.. Be strong, I know u r, it really aint yr problem :)) xxxx
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WELL MY FRIEND IF HE DID IT THEN ITS ON HIS HANDS NOT YOURS.HE IS A GROWN MAN AND IS RESPOSIBLE FOR HIS ACTIONS.
DO NOT FEEL BAD BECAUSE YOU WANTED HIM TO DO IT,THATS IS NORMAL CONSIDERING WHAT HE PUT YOU THREW
AS FOR YOUR MOM....I WOULD STAY AWAY FROM HER TILL SHE GETS A GRIP YA KNOW WHAT I MEAN JELLY BEAN :)
AS WITH ALL THINGS YOU SHOULD TAKE IT TO THE CROSS
THE LORD IS WITH YOU MY FRIEND
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Do not feel guilty girl, it's so not your fault!! And your mom needs to treat you a lot better, try your best to ignore her when she starts saying stuff like that.
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Wow! This is not your fault. You do not control him, you only want what is best for your children...and obviously being around him is not what is best. You did the right thing!
I made a HUGE decision today: The only people I can depend on are Kenny and myself, I can’t depend on my family or anyone else to get me out of the situations I am in… we can get support from the people in our lives (i.e. YOU!!!!) But the only way we are ever going to get ahead and make something of ourselves is if we take action and take our lives into our own hands… This flying by the seat of our pants thing we have gotten into is not helping… I’m not like that.. I am a plan it all out kind of person and I have gotten away from that since Josh and I split up… I told Kenny that we are going to sit down tonight and write a 6 month plan and a 1 year plan. We are going to set a budget and stick to it and we are going to dig ourselves out of this hole we have gotten ourselves into. And we are going to do it ON OUR OWN! We are never going to be responsible adults unless we can work through things on our own… I’m not saying we won’t ask for help if we need it, because every one needs help sometimes, but we are not going to rely on anyone else… This is financially and personally… My ENTIRE life I have allowed everyone else to make decisions for me because I was too scared to take risks, too scared to take my life into my own hands… I’m not scared any more… I don’t care if I have to cut off everyone in my life in order to stand on my own two feet, I will… I may fail, but at least I can say I tried! I am going to pacify Josh until July 1st when the divorce is completely final, then I am taking back control. (He has threatened to contact a lawyer to delay the finalization of the divorce and my mom has offered to pay for it)… I am going to pacify my mother until Kenny and I can get out of that house (she has already threatened to kick us out if we don’t do what she wants, and because she has delayed us in signing a new lease she can do that)… I have made several phone calls today to find out what my options are and everyone I spoke to has said the same thing… Kenny and I are going to get through all of this, and WHEN we do we are going to be stronger for it… I have all the faith in the world that we are going to make something of our lives… even if it is just being together, that is enough for me….
UPDATED GOALS
Discover the real me
Progress 35%
Encouragements: 1
Add your supportComments
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Realizing that some people are not going to be supportive and helpful can be a painful thing, but, for me, it was enlightening and I do it on my own now, too!!!! Good for you sweet girl!! You may find the uphills are a bit rough and some of the downhills, too. Just remember that you are doing it and be proud of yourself---I am proud of you!!!
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Sounds like you are going in the right direction.:) I am proud of you for making plans and wanting to get things going on your own.You guys will feel better once you are your own ppl and not having to pacify anyone.Hooray for you both .It may be a little hard but it will definitley be worth it.:) **HUGS**
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good for u darlin, i think this is exactly what u need to do. rely on yourself, u can do it, i know u can. know i believe in u fully, and i think the greatest motivator in life is knowing someone else believes in u. please know that i do. we r all proud of u
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Bravo!
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YUP YOU'RE DOING GOOD IN ATTITUDE, i FOUND THAT THINGS WORK IF YOU CAN DO THINGS BY YOURSELF.
DANG CAPS KEY GHOST AGAIN, I'm proud of you 2
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Damn! that sounds like a plan! ..When things start to go wrong, we lose all our routines n get ourselves in a mess.. But there comes a time when u r ready to make some serious life changing decisions n there is no point doing it half-hearted! Go for it gal! Im with u! :)) xxx
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i glad your stepping out and living your own life!Im very proud of you!
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Yes there comes a time when we have to let go of the people who enable us to lean on them. When we do that we give up control of our lives to others. So good for you take back the control and don't let anyone take it from you again.
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YOUR GREATEST TREASURES ARE JESUS,YOUR KIDS,AND THE MAN IN YOUR LIFE,THOSE ARE YOUR BLESSINGS .YOU ARE DOING VERY WELL MY FRIEND AND I WILL ALWAYS PRAY FOR YOU
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Goal Updated
All kids go thru this, usually younger ages but they do it. When my kids told me that I responded with...well I am not particularly fond of you right now either, I love you but right now you aren't my favorite person. He will get thru this and so will you. Sit with him and ask him why he doesn't like you, make him give you answers, then explain to him we all have times where we don't like someone and that is because of something they did not the actual person. That is is what they did that we don't like not them. Explain the difference to him and see if he understands that.
nutz
Nutz is right and I could just add that kids repeat behaviors that they see, and will do it especially if they see that they get a reaction. I always told my kids (and now the grands) that I always love them, sometimes I just don't like what they are doing. A fine line of definition, but seemed to get my point across.
nanaofbailee
He may be acting out b/c of all the stuff going on right now.Kids seem to pick anger above other emotions to show when they are upset or overwhelmed b/c it usually gets a reaction.Maybe getting him some counseling to learn to deal with the feelings he has about what is going on and the divorce and all would help.I am positive he does not dislike you he is just saying the harshest thing he can think of to release the bad feelings he has.I bet he is just feeling bad inside right now for whatever reason and does not know how to deal with it.
**HUGS**
christih
All kids go thru a stage of acting up, its a battle of wills! Dont give in, otherwise u will make a rod for yr own back.. When he is bad, take away a priviledge for a set amount of time..ie no computer for a week, stick to yr guns, let any bad words go straight over yr head.. They may hurt, but dont let it show, once he realises he cant win, he will give up... The worst thing u can do is compromise..
This sounds harsh but, kids r like animals, u need to train them to behave..If yr dog wont do what u tell it, u have lost control..kids r the same..
If u start with disipline, yr son will grow up with some n pass it on.. It is the best for him long term n u..
Much Love n (((Hugs))) Julie xxxx
U know that saying `u gotta be cruel sometimes to be kind`? U got a perfect example here xxxxxx
Delusiondreamer
Your not doing anything wrong. bad behavior causes unpleasant corrections. If he misses enough trips, he should start behaving.
revbry
I'm not a mom or dad. But would say it is likely a phase. Just keep punishing him when he says that and he will soon learn that he does not bennefit from salt - honey works better. just my opinion.... but, what do I know. Is there someone in his life that he is learning this atitude from?
bradleywhughes
well you have alot of good advice here. my stepkids were alot worse than that. grounding them from things helps. doing timeouts. you're doing ok , it just takes time
cowboy357