CravingHeart's Journal

Things have been..better.  Mostly better.

It has been about one month and one week since I've purged.  Not to say I haven't binged..but I think this is an amazingly HUGE step in learning to overcome my eating disorder.  I've felt quite a bit better about myself in general.  I try not to look in the mirror and assess my "fat" areas quite so often.  I figure it's a waste of time.  I can look at myself and honestly say "I like this part of my body.  I like my smile.  I like how this area of me looks."  I've realized that it's incredibly important to acknowledge the GOOD things about me, physically/mentally/emotionally, and to TELL myself so.  I've been trying not to care/think about so often what other people think about me.  I've been doing excellent in NOT putting myself down so much, especially by not purging after almost every meal.  I'm feeling so much better about this issue in my life.

About two months ago I started taking a low dose of Prozac.  I think it has been mildly helpful, although I do not attribute the end of my purging to the pills.  I did that on my own, with much willpower.  I still feel pretty down sometimes, but it isn't nearly as bad as it has been in the past.  I think that overall it is a good addition to my life right now.  I need that help, and that is OKAY. 

I've been pretty lonely.  For about a month now I've been "seeing" someone new.  He seems like a really great man and I'm glad to have his company, even if we just end up being friends.  I'm really not sure where the relationship is going, and I'm not really okay with that--it actually makes me feel very nervous to put myself on the line like this and not know if the feeling is reciprocated.  I understand that the relationship is still new and to take it slow is in both of our best interests.  I do not, however, feel that it is unreasonable to want to know a person's intentions, what a person wants from another......true?  So, I plan on having a serious talk about it with him.  And I think that's completely fair. 

Just kind of living day-to-day.  Not thinking too much ahead of time, not sure where it's all taking me.  Just trying to get myself together.  I think I'm doing a pretty good job of that right now, and I really think that's the most I need to be focusing on. 

More later, thanks for listening. ;)