sadforme's Journal

Well it's now Saturday. I've struggled since Wednesday night. I went to church and felt better. He called me late Thursday night. Telling me about his doubts about "her". Not as a person just the situation that they're in. Again doesn't want to give me any false hope but I told him that it DOES give me "false" hope. What is false hope anyway? If I have it and I feel it in my heart that we can get through this and get past it, does that make it not false? He gives tiny little hints here and there. I know for a fact if it didn't work out with her he would come to me. It may be as a friend first but I know we would get back together. He just is relentless in his pursuit of they're relationship. If she gets mad for a second he goes out of his mind to find a way to make it up to her. I just want my friend back for now. I'm so lonely without him to talk to all of the time. I don't call him because I don't want to find out that he is with her so I sit and wait for him to miss me enough to call me. I don't think my hope is false. I am going to church and I am praying for the healing of our relationship and marriage. If it is God's will then we will get back together. In the meantime, I am biding my time. Trying to move forward in happiness and trying to find God's voice to lead me in the right direction. If His direction does not lead me back to Chris, or him back to me for that matter, then I will find my direction and ultimately find my happiness. Of course I am hoping for the marriage to be healed but I am trying my hardest to just leave it up to Him. If it is God's will then it will happen. I'm leaving it up to Him. :)