Barbaraj1980's Journal

So... I weighed in yesterday and was down two more lbs.  Whew.... 3 more lbs and I will officially be at 199.  Its exciting and scary!  It seems like every time I get below 200 thats when I lose my momentum.  I refuse to give up this time.  I've come to far and I feel to good.  Eating healthy is as natural as breathing to me, now.

I had to go to my daughters school today at lunch for an appt and happened to see my ex whom I have an order of protection against. I have to admit I was angry cuz he hasn't made any kind of effort to see his son, whatsoever.  So, I did what any mature person in my position would do (YEAH RIGHT!) I stuck my middle finger out the window when I drove past him.  Childish, yes, but I have to say it made me feel better.  However, my heart jumped up in my throat and I got all nervous as soon as I realized it was him.  I know I am still in love with him.. but I know I can't be with him.  Thats a hard pill to swallow.  Of course, since I put him in jail he wants nothing to do with me which makes the split easier... but I still love him... WHY????????? 

He cheated on me.. Repeatedly... he lied to me.. over and over and he physically and emotionally abused me.  Yet, he was all I had.  We def. had an addicitve relationship and I am still suffering from withdrawl symptoms to this day.. I need to just get over it.. =*(