danyellejordan's Journal

on wednesday, i found out that my friend, sam, tried to kill herself in the bathroom at school. i cried so hard that i didnt want to move. my friends justina, jeffery and i are basically the only friends that she has, and she hasnt said anything to any of us. on wednesday, justina was crying so hard that she punched the wall because she couldnt take just holding it all in like that. after we were done crying we started sprinting down the hallway of our school, just to make ourselves tired. and that night wasnt any better. my sister knew about what happened with sam and she continued to be an ass hole to me and i got really upset. then at my practice, i yelled at my mom in front of my coach and she got really pissed. she got so pissed that when we were at home she grabbed me by my shirt and yelled in my face. then she slapped me so hard that my head hit the inside of the car, which i was sitting in, and she just left me there, not caring. i cried and screamed so loud that i wore out my voice, and that i popped my eardrums. i cant take this anymore. im angry all the time and i dont know how to deal anymore. i want to cut so bad, but i promised jared and my dad that i would stop. holding on like this makes me want to hurt, not only myself, but others, too. i constantly get mad. my blood pressure has been up so high lately.i have knots in my back, and my sister was massaging it because i couldnt even walk because it hurt so bad, and she could SEE the knots back there. i'm lost as far as what to do goes. sigh. it hurts to breathe.