DebraMarie's Journal

 My husband and I run a small flooring and kitchen company for his cousin who has lots of businesses and investments.  I actually did most of the start up work.  The first year I worked 70 hours a week.  My husband loves the idea of being the boss, as long as he has someone else to do the actual work.  The big problem was that after working 10 or 11 hours we would come home and he would sit in front of the TV yelling for his dinner while I dealt with 4 hungry kids, homework, baths, laundry ect.  I finally stood up for myself a couple of years ago.  I cut down to part time, making him hire more employees, leaving whatever time the kids got out of school and coming home to do all of the housework myself.  He paid a housekeeper once a week to do the scrubbing and heavy work, but he still never understood just how much work it is to keep up with a house full of kids including all of his nieces and nephews who love me and stay with me any chance they get.  I was still working six days a week though, and taking care of all the house maintenence as well as cleaning and he was getting worse and worse at not even lifting a finger or doing his own errands.  If I complained I got rude comments about how I only work a couple of hours a day (5 not including house and kids) andwhat an easy life I had. We still managed to gave an active sex life in all of this.  I think this is the one area where we are compatable. I alway kept my mouth shut just to avoid drama, but most of the time I felt like I had a stern father instead of a life partner.  As a result I was a stressed out mess.  I suffered from anxiety attacks and insomnia.  My resentment just continued to grow and fester.  When I found out about him talking to other women on the internet, saying things like he was looking for a life partner and how he likes a strong woman, I just went INSANE with rage.  All of the shit I have put up with for years just exploded out of me.  All of the double standard arab shit and him telling me that I should just do as he says and never argue with him.  I went to his Russian dating site and I changed his profile, I downloaded a picture of a baboons ass and posted as his picture.  I wrote all 17 women on his list to tell them what a lying scumbag he was. He came home late that night and I locked my bedroom door.  He knew something was up when he found all his bedtime stuff at the bottom of the stairs so he left me alone.  I wasn't going to say anything until he saw his profile but I just couldn't stand it.  I went down stairs and slaped him as hard as I could.  He tried to laugh it off like it was no big deal.  I went back upstairs and wrote him a 12 page email telling him how much I hated him and what a stupid, ignorant person I thought he was.  I brought up every bit of rage and resentment I had ever held in.  I hit the send button before I lost my nerve.  I didn't go to work the next day but I asked my assistant to tell me how he was acting.  He said that he was outside and that he looked like he had been crying.  He was also very angry.  I was glad.  I am normally a very nice person but at that time I wanted to hurt him as much as he had hurt me.  I might have blown things out of proportion but I really needed to get things off my chest.  He kept a respectful distance for a few days until I cooled  off enough to stop cussing ang throwing things whenever we were in the same room.  I finally agreed to talk to him and he offered to move out if that was what I wanted.  We really can't afford to pay for 2 households without seriously reducing our comfort level, also his mother was in the hospital recovering from heart surgery so I agreed to let him stay downstairs.  I couldn't imagine him trying to take the kids on weekends.  He loves them but has never fed or bathed them.  He has never changed a diaper, washed a dish or done any kind of houswork.  Also, I was raised by a single mother and it sucks.  If I had to go to work full time I would not be able to properly supervise my 3 girls ages 7, 10, and 16.  My son is married and out of the house.  I agreed to try and work things out on the condition that he address all my issues, not just the internet thing.  I also acknowleged that I had been wrapped up in my own life and not giving him much attention.  We have both been making an effort to communicate and to spend time together.  It has been over two weeks and he really seems sincere in his effort.  Of course I am monitoring all of his activities diligently, e knows and doesn't complain or try to stop me.  I hope that things keep up like this.  I need to stop writing, we have a "date" tonight.