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my sister is in the hospital on a ventilator waiting to die and i almost envy her...that;s pretty bad when you feel envious of that, isn't it? i've thought often of suicide but know god would not forgive me and i couldn't do that to my husband and kids. Compared to so many people i am blessed, and yet i am so down and discouraged. my life is a struggle from chair to toilet to chair to bed...and up and down the stairs over and over. i have tv and computer and tv and computer and i am lucky to have an old cat wwho stays close beside me...sometimes too close. my husband does the cooking and cleaning without complaint and spins as little time with me as possible. i know he is repelled from me. we havent had sex but once in 18 months and that was pitiful. we are like two boarders in the same house. he has fishing, biking, woodworking - all solitary pastimes that keeps him away and now he's gone for hours at a time to festivals or shopping or whatever...i'm so lonely and grieving for what i could be doing...please, somebody help me ou of this pit of pity i'm wallowing in. how do you cope?
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I am so blessed. my hubby built me a beautiful hutch for my dining room and when I got up it was done and inside and he'd brought all my "treasures" up from the basement to put inside. he is such a good husband and so talented. we've been married over 37 years and it just keeps getting better.
Well it's crunch time. I have so many different parts of me that no longer work right and the cost of all the meds I'm on is just not affordable even with our insurance. I'm on social security and my hubby's only working, well, some weeks 3 days, some 4 and some not at all...I am 100 lbs + overweight and really need to have bariatric surgery. I'm scared to do it and know I will die without it. The first surgeon I talked to about it turned me down flat because of the pd. My primary care doc says she'd support me, my neuro doesn't think it's a good idea but she's willing to entertain discussion with any surgeon willing to do it. Has anyone out there with pd had the surgery? help please!
Past Entries
| April 2008 |
Sunday, 4/20
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Saturday, 4/19
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MAY YOU SHOULD OPEN UP AND TELL YOUR HUSBAND HOW YOU FEEL. THAT WOULD BE A TERRIBLE WAY TO LIVE. IF YOU ARE UNHAPPY. TALK TO SOMEONE. MAYBE THEY COULD HELP. I WILL BE PRAYING FOR YOU. PLEASE DON'T GIVE UP. YOU HAVE A PURPOSE IN LIFE. HUGS
dede
I am so sorry about your sister. You have a wonderful family and the pictures show that look like a very happy group. How far away do your kids live? Is there anyone close that you can talk to or get someone to help you talk to a professional. Are you taking any medicine for depression? Suicide is never the answer to a problem. It only leaves your family grieving for you. Please keep writing and let us know how you are doing. You and your family will be in my prayers. pat
firelady