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I am at a loss today. Woke up depressed and can't get out of it. It is one of those days where I feel so alone and hopeless. I can't pull myself out of it. No one is home and it is very quiet and I feel like such a loser. I have no obligations today. I want to go into my studio and paint without pressure but the act of sitting down to paint is so painful! I love it so much when i can let go and create from within with no preconceived ideas. When i tap into that it is bliss. I could paint for hours like this. But i can't get myself in there to do it! The agony of trying is really killing me. I want to cut myself and see the blood and go numb. I want everyone to stay away from me. I hate them right now. I want these feelings to go away! I want to get back to the spiritual thinking i had.
