Osant’s Profile

Close Bereavement
Type: Loss of a Parent

Mom passed Jan 3, 07 at age 81. The day we buried her 1st male grandchild (11/2/06) she broke her ankle and then had emergency surgery the following day for a hernia. She remain 2 months in the hospital/rehab center recovering. Out of 4 siblings only my eldest sister took care of her during the weekday and I flew in every weekend from Atlanta to NY to take over. Even before she died when she was in the hospital I cried every day because it tore me apart to see her fragile and vulnerable. I'm now trying to get through each day. A piece of my soul has been yanked and has a void that can never be filled. Every day is a bad day, I cry everyday. I'm trying to heal and resume back to my normal routines, but can't seem to do so in spite of making an effort. I am complete mess and don’t know what to do. Not only am I trying to endure the pain and hurt of my mother’s loss, but also cause by two other siblings, my husband, and my immediate in laws. I’m mad and angry at my two siblings. One of them for being in NY for 9 days and although knowing mom was in the hospital saw her once (that was with me) and failed to follow through with her responsibility toward mom. My other sibling we excused because she had just lost her son; however, she took time to visit another family member, but not our own mother. Although a good man, I’m angered with my husband because in the two months Mom was in the hospital not once did he visit her. Despite the fact that I honor his family and cared for his mother by taking her to the ER from 9 @ night till 3&4 in the morning and still got up @ 6 to go to work. I’m hurt that my immediate in laws (mother, brothers or sister in law) did not attend 1 of the two days of the wake, or funeral or even sent flowers. This in spite of all that I’ve done for my husband’s family, i.e doing their family tree, hosting family events, holidays and etc. Not to mention having air traveling privileges. They know that all my family is New York and they (in laws are the only family I have here in GA). Even though they live 15 min. away, still haven’t said what can I do to help you. I can’t vent to my best friends and family because I don’t want their relationship negatively impacted. Already feeling alone in walking this journey with no support system and not able to express my hurt and pain, I’m going crazy. I've avoided family and friends not because I don't enjoy or care for them, but only because in no way am I good company and I’m mad as hell.