tooele's Journal

After last nights rant I'm feeling much better.  that storm was  pretty bad, we had alot of flooding here in tooele ( to-eel-ah)  And talking with people today found out I was one of many going through auful pain.  I really need to control myself when I get like that. But I found that after writing out my frustration I layed down to try to sleep and woke up with a very calm feeling and the pain had all but disappered.  We are bracing for round 3 of the storms tomorrow , but so far not feeling as  much pain. My poor mother was having a hell of a time with her hips. My neighborrs downstairs were almost in tears, and my boss who has really bad scoliosis was up most of the night too.

I've also been fighting a viral infection, and had fever blisters in my mouth. I havent  eaten solid food  for 4 days. Too painful. I've been sweating like a pig since last night , I'm guessing that is a good sign my infection is about gone.  I'm off work now for 5 days. not real sure what to do with myself, but I  know rest must be my #1 proirity.  I feel ashamed of myself for acting so crazy last night. I just don't handle pain very well. I took a hot bath, and my back is so swollen when I layed back to relax and my back hit the bottom of the tub, it felt like someone had hit me hard.  Between My son having 2 hospital trips, beening so upset, the infection, the storms, all of it I just lost it.

It's hard to be a single mom at times due to the fact that you have to be in control so much, when somthing goes wrong your the one who has to handle it , stay calm, and get your family through it with  no thought of your own sanity. I need to take time for me to cry a little more, and release some of the stress. I have a problem with going straight to emergency mode and staying there untill the situation is under control, and then a few days later have my own break down. I need to work on releasing some of the stress in a heathy way, but still be able to to take control when approprite.  I'm still not quite back to feeling normal, but i'm getting there, being able to write this down and get it out has been a huge help.

I've been talking to a 16 year old girl in florida who has the same illness as my son, she's a sweet and smart young lady. Now alex is talking to her, It's good for him to be able to talk to someone who understands. As anyone could tell you, you can read every book, talk to every doctor, but nobody knows what your going through unless they have the same problem.

I'm going to take this long holiday weekend to start reading my new book my mother got for me for mothers day, clean my carpets, organize this messy house, and get my head screwed on .