arabgirl's Journal

Ok this may sound strange. I had a party for Queenie tonight. I got her 1 year ago. I bought her really expensive food, made cupcakes, even had candles. Monica and her family came over. I know it seems silly. She's a cat, no she is family. She is the only family I have now. I miss you guys like crazy. I can see John teasing the cat. And I can see Queenie laying behind mom as she watched Jeapardy. Or she'd be out with dad as he messed around in the yard. I'm not sure I can do this much longer. I'm tired of doing it alone. I don't know why all of you are together and I am here alone. Some days I feel like I can do anything, then there are days like today where I feel like I can do nothing right.

I blew off therapy last week. I couldn't take hearing her tell me how screwed up I really am. Or to watch her yawn. I mean be real......a yawn. And if she one more time tells me Richard just isn't into me anymore, I swear I am going to scream. I'm just not where I can listen to all of my shortcomings. I know they are there so why bother bringing them all up. Oh hell I have to go. I don't have to like it though.