nikL's Journal

it's clear my current partner would like to live a carefree life. how can i blame her?

my days are anything but predictable, and i try to find happiness in simple things and little miracles. but this doesn't blunt the fact of all the issues i'm constantly facing. and it can be trying even on good days.

i don't mean to come off as ingrateful, but that's what my partner feels, even though i tell her thanks for helping me and show her she's appreciated.

what else can i do? she is getting tired of life with me. i think we should break up but financially i don't think i can. her family is trying to break us apart too becasue they see me as a freeloader even though it's clear i'm moderately disabled and have trouble functioning daily. i've worked for 12 years and receive ssdi now and still apply for jobs, but no one calls me back. then the bouts of illness akin to acute viral infection from the cfids, minimise the gains i've made in strength and endurance thru physical rehab.

i'm out of ideas, but not hope. maybe staying friends is for the best. we can still live together and help each other out in other ways. i'm a little sad about this but think it's a good decision that i will talk to her about soon.