This is our Coatimundi, Streeker. …
This is our Coatimundi, Streeker. We got her about 9 mo. ago, she was 3 1/2 then they live to 15. Her last owner …
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I went to visit Cassie(Suzette's best friend) and Aaron(Suzette's godson) yesterday, I haven't heard from her since i didn't react the way she expected when she told me she was preg. again, she has been so sick with "all day sickness" that she had to quit her job and with gas the way it is they don't have enough to come out very often, it was nice to see them but it seemed strained, whether it was me or her i don't know. I also have been thinking of Danielle(the friend in the accident with Suzette) alot, I guess she has quit school(she was a junior and 18 yrs old), don't know what happened there, and moved out of town, I have been hearing that she was upsetting kids at school by blaming that night on Suzette, she was the reason they were out that night and although they visited Danielle's friend at work and went out to eat at Danielles favorite resturant it was all Suzette's fault. I feel angry at Danielle now, I love her almost like my own but she has always been one of those people who are perpetual victems, and wants the attention and caring that goes with that and i just can't do it for her this time. I should call her cell phone and see if it's still on, I care and worry about her but can't bring myself to try and call. I know my anger has nothing to do with her, if Suzette said let's go out, Danielle would have said ok, she doesn't say no, so whoever is to blame for them being out the fact is she is still here and Suzette is not and that makes me angry, I don't understand it and wouldn't want it to be the other way either, but i can't help but wonder why she let Suzette drive after dark and if things would be different if Danielle had drove. I know i can drive myself crazy with all the what ifs but they are there. I had a friend tell me if it was her time it was her time and would i have rather it happened at home in front of us. I do believe it was meant to be, because i really believe it or because i have to believe it, I'm not sure but so many things point that way. The fact that she was driving, the tree she hit was the only one for quarter mile either way, seat belt kept her upright when hitting tree on top of car right above her head, and tree was only 12 in. wide, but once again feeling it was meant to be does not help my pain. People tell me she is in a better place, she is perfect now ect...does not help me not to miss her body being here with us. I miss her terribly, I miss having an ali in the family of 3 guys, I feel lost, but at least i am feeling something again, don't know if it's the prozac or denial that keeps me from feeling so much of the time and when i do allow myself to really think about it my chest hurts so bad it feels like it will explode, then i just push it all back down til next time. I think between mothers day, my moms angel day, graduation, and our yearly camping for memorial weekend(the only one she would go on) is just too much of an overload for me. I am constantly battling between skipping stuff cause i don't feel up to it and doing stuff i don't want to so the boys don't miss out, that's another thing and i know it is my doing to deal right now, and that i still have 3, but i used to have "kids" and now i have "boys". Just a down day with too much thinking, my hubby says i think and analize to much anyway, now if i could only learn not to do that. Well that's my jumbled thoughts for the day, thanks again for all who listen, you make my days. luv to all.
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People say she is in a better place because they don't know what to say and they have not lost a child. This statement makes me angry because what makes them think that our children are ina better place? I know my child would rather be with me at home, that is the better place. Anyway, the what if's will always haunt you if you let them. What if Danielle was driving could have turned out different, could have been worse and two lost lives. You will never know, and the what if's if you let them will eat you up. I believe that this is a bigger plan, all our children are part of it and we have no control to say no you can't have them yet. Our angels are doing something on the greater scale of things now. Take Care, Love and Hugs.
TracyW
I think that what we do as a result of our loss is what we have control of...I think our children died as a result of a series of events...weird circumstances that lead to their death. I don't believe God took them...now "the plan" for our lives can go many different ways...depending on what choices that we make. Some will choose to go forward, possibly help others and some will stay deep in grief and become immobilized...just my thoughts...love to you...Kare
biowoman
Anger, resentment and bitterness are just a few of the many emotions we deal with. I get angry too but I don't have anyone to be angry at, only myself. I'm angry because I can't change anything. I think being powerless to change losing our children causes frustration and anger. I think we get angry at everyone, God, those who may have caused the accidents that took our children, angry at people who don't understand, and even angry at our children for dying. Anger is a consuming emotion that I know eventually will fade. You are right that you may be on overload right now. I hope you can somehow stop and take a step back and unload so to speak. Things are coming at you in a lot of different directions and it is so difficult to navigate through this maze we're on. Eventually the hills plateau and the road gets a bit straighter. You must give yourself time and patience. If you feel the need to call Danielle then you should. Remember she is still young and maybe her blaming Suzette is just a coping mechanism for her. Maybe she has guilt herself for still being here. It's hard to understand others thoughts. My son too had very odd circumstances surrounding his death. He also hit a tree but a large branch on a tree that stuck out to the left and had to hit just right to cause his death. A foot or two in either direction would have caused him to hit a chain link fence. I wondered constantly in the early months the why's of it all but I try not to go there because I'm just talking to air. I'd like to think it was his time because then I'd maybe have some comfort but I don't really know if we have a time. I do know he lived a lot in his short years and though I'd give anything to have him back, I do believe he is in a better place with no sadness, sickness, sorrow or pain. He is happy and will be there to greet me when it is my time. Here for you. Love Robin
Robin4
Just wanted to say Hello and hang in there.
Love and hugs
Paula
PaulaLC
What you wrote is exactly my feelings. I too had kids now boys. The whole thing is me lately. Sending you my love {{{{{Hugs}}}}} Carolyn
CarolynF