gema24's Journal

upside down Mood

Wednesday, June 4, 2008 | A Rambling story

ive left my home (rented) and now at my parents house waiting to be rehoused. tomorrow marks it a week and ive started to remember why i wanted to move out in the first place ive swopped one abusive pyshical emotional mentally sexually abuser for my emotionally and mentally abusing parents!!!

i have a small risk of losing my children after everything thats happened it may not now ive left micheal as he was the risk they saw and already my parents have told me in great detail several times that if the children get taken off me there done with me bearing in my im now classed as homeless and no money as im waiting for all that to be sorted out. And if i ever get back with him they want nothing to do with me.

during my relationship theyve gone on and on how they want me to be safe so i should leave and go to theirs yet now im here its a different story. my 2 year old is doing there head in but they forget hes 2 hes bored and its all new to him staying here. my 4 week old is crying non stop at night and thats doing their heads in. they were worried about the fact micheal could one day kill me but again now im here its so ovious they dont want me here. i no they dont want me to go back.

friends of my dads keep seeing micheal and telling him so they think ive met him and if i pop to the shops it means to them im meeting him. im not but if i was that would be my own stupid choice to make.

i get texts from micheal saying things like your parents are against u we werent fine but we could of worked at it and hes getting proffesional help to sort his head out to prove himself to me etc and i find myself wanting to believe it.

even all what micheals done i find myself wishing i could be at my own house subjected to his abuse rather that the emotional abuse im getting here.

ive been told im not a proper mother im doing everything wrong and mums pissed of with me so shes taking it out on my dad which isnt true shes not speaking to him as he came in drunk calling her names.

im waiting to be rehoused but it could take awhile im so stressed and depressed.