DeenaH1516's Journal

I know this is going to sound familiar to most of you...I went to a baby shower at work yesterday and usually I psych myself out before going.  My usual ritual is to remind myself to smile and look like I’m having a good time even when I am crying on the inside.  It’s like every time the mother-to-be opens a present, you wish it was you receiving these wonderful well wishes and cute outfits too.  I have left many of these baby showers on the verge of tears only to release them when alone.  This pain is something that I thought I would carry with me forever.  I know that with every passing day, my belly is growing and I know that there is life being created but it is still not real to me yet.   I don’t know anyone can understand how I feel.  I am praying that I will overcome this fear that the pregnancy will be less than ideal and full-term.   

My ankles have started to swell a little and I am starting to notice how much people are willing to help out the pregnant lady.  I am a very independent person and I have a hard time asking for help.  My new goal is to work on letting people help me.  One of they guys in my department offered me his chair in a meeting so I would not have to stand.  Normally, I would not take it but I am trying to think of my body and how to be good to myself and the babies. 

I know that I am only 16 weeks but I have starting thinking about the nursery and how I want to furnish it for the babies.  This is the first week that I have really started thinking about what we will need and how it is all going to fit together.  I think the baby shower has me brainstorming about the coming months of preparation.  I am waiting for the babies to start kicking me.