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It's so quiet in the house now. The kids have all left. Carl is still in the house, packing. I don't know how long he will be staying here. For a little while I guess. I made him move out of our room. It's my room now. I also told him that I would no longer be his alarm clock. He's a big boy now, he can get himself up for work. I see no reason for me to do anything for him anymore if he doesn't want me. I'm not trying to be vindictive, that 's just how it 's going to be from now on.
I'm feeling so lonely right now. I can't remember the last time I felt this lonely. The kids are gone and even though he's in the house, he's no longer in my life. Is it normal to feel like you want to give up living? I don't seem to care about much right now. I don't even care that I don't know how I'm going to pay for my medications. Maybe this is better, I can just stop taking them. That will certainly save me money. But, I know that's not a good attitude to take. I know that it's important for me to keep taking my meds as prescribed and to keep eating. I just don't know what to feel, think or do right now.
I've been getting a lot of encouragement from some wonderful people here. I appreciate it more than I can say. I'm so glad I found this site. I'm going to call my church on Monday. They have a program called the Stephen Ministry there. This program is to help people get through difficult times, not matter the cause. I've twice taken advantage of this program and it's helped. I think it's time for their help again.
