LorahG's Journal

22 days. almost a month. almost. i havent cut for that long. its been hard and at time unbearable. ive held back and cried my self to sleep most times or instead i would sleep the days away so i didnt get the cravings, the urges to cut. sure i would still get them while i was sleeping but then they were just in my dreams and i didnt have to worry about them. but when i was awake its been hard. sometimes the pain of not giving in hurts more then the results of cutting would be. its just frustrating. constant self dobt is there but im so discusted with my self every time i look at my arms and see the many marks. my friend and i sat one day and we talked about things when i was having a bad day and was wanting to cut. we counted all the marks i had on me and i realized that after i had finished counting up the amount i had i no longer had that craving to cut. instead i was discusted with my self for the amout we had counted and in knowing that those tons of marks would be with me forever now. its appaling. but im still struggling to keep that promise to my friends. to try for first one month of not cutting. 22 days.  its the most time ive gone with out cutting. thats 4 weeks that ive still had to worry at work for people seeing my arms, worry about what others would think about that and hear them when they label me as "emo" thats what reall hurt. it isnt just "emos" that cut. in fact over 10% of the population suffers from this. do you think all of them are "emo" no. they are fathers, mothers, brothers and sisters. best friends and cousins. teachers and students, employers and employees. they are strangers and family. there isnt one "type" of person you can say suffers from this. because people are not a "type" they are all individual. and all different in their own way. think about that the next time you see someone covering in summer. someone refusing to go swimming yet the look in their eyes as a longing to be in the water, having fun like everyone else. they carry for heavier burdens then most people and yes, they may have placed it there but thats just it. behind each person who cuts, is a reason. whether it was a sad time or a bad mamory. a stressed out time or someone giving up.  they get hooked just like anyone who tries a cigarette thinking they can make it out of there after one puff and not be addicted to it. but they are. those who cut get addicted and the habit of breaking that security blanket, that addicton of theirs is both very hard and intensly terrifying for those who are trying to stop. they depended on cutting for a way out, a way to escape what was going on and take them to a place of their own making where everything was perfect and they were loved be everyone. where no violence was and no hate. stopping that is like shattering that persons hope. they often feel trapt, alone and scared. but then thats just it. those are the exact feelings why they started doing that in the first place. what they need, what anyone and everone needs is just one person. one friend to help them through this. no matter the age, the race or gender of that person. someone whos been through what they have or someone who is willing to sit, listen and learn what they are going through so they can help. with the help of my friend im trying to beat this. 22 days. 4 weeks and 1 day. thats how far ive made it without cutting and its been one of the hardest most frightening times for me. but i know my friends will be there to help me through this.