Danni515's Journal

It's a month today since my husband left me because the house was too messy and our 3 pre-schoolers too rowdy! Obviously that's no justification to walk out on your family, it's more about his inability to cope with normal life situations. I am so sad though, as I believe family is forever and without him, I don't feel like I'm in a family any more. Reading the death notices tonight I cried when I saw someone described as a loving wife, and thought that's no longer me. I'm not important or special to anyone any more, and when I die there'll be no hole in anyone's life (except my precious children of course, they give me so much love every day but I'm missing the love of a compamion). I can't envision a future where I'll have genuine joy again, as everything seems like a chore, like, how do I take my 3 children to the beach or pool by myself when it's a 2 person job? And how will I ever enjoy a holiday as it's so much work for me, I have to give of myself to them so much, and there's no-one to debrief with at the end of the day. I'm truely better off without my stbx, as he was verbally and emotionally abusive, but I think I will always mourn what could have been if he'd just received help with his issues and became the man God meant for him to be. The lonliness is unbearable, I check my phone numerous times a day to see if anyone has called, I just want to be important to someone. My days are busy with the children and housework, but once they're in bed, the nights stretch on forever. Has anyone been where I am emotionally and moved through it?