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The only living creature that really loved me has been gone for a few weeks now. I am totally lost without my dog Oso. People tell me to get a new dog.....they just don't understand it doesn't work like that at least for me.
I should be grateful to be alive and happy I have a job........thankful, I live in the United States. Quite honestly I don't give two shits about any of that. My belief/faith/trust in people does NOT exist anymore. Kathy has seen to that. A have little glimmers of hope that I will be my old self again...maybe even enjoy doing all those things I loved, but it never lasts.
I am drawing inside my shell more and more and don't have any desire to come out. My friend invited me fishing tomorrow which I enjoy, my desire to go is non-existent. I am going to my friends house tonight and can't cancel......damm I really do not want to go. Got my car washed today and a picture of Oso fell out of the sun visor, I totally lost it. It took the rest of lunch to compose myself in order to go back to work and finish out the day. I just want him back,
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I feel like making a couple lists as I was going through my books today.
Prepare to be bored with my list of history books. I think the Great War is the seminal event in the last two hundred years. Everything we are or could be resonates because of the arms race, scramble for colonies and of course the war itself with the following repercussions...........
No order to this list but two books I think should be read first.
I am taking back my passions baby!
The Guns of August by Barbara Tuchman
Dreadnought by Robert K. Massie
The Last Cruise of the Emden by Edwin P. Hoyt (A story so fantastic its gotta be fiction, but its not)
The Russian Revolution by Richard Pipes
The Road to Verdun (the Folly of Nationalism) by Ian Ousby
1915: The Death of Innocence by Lyn MacDonald (actually anything by her, firsthand accounts that just make you wince)
Jutland:1916 Death In The Grey Wastes by Nigel Steel
The Somme by Peter Hart
Storm of Steel by Ernst Junger
To The Last Man by John Toland
PARIS 1919 by Margaret Macmillan
Thank God no one reads this or my secret nerdy academia will be let out.
I don't care I miss my books.
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I am eyeing your secret nerdy academia, and I must say, I'm impressed. Have you read A Distant Mirror by Tuchman? It is one of my faves... May be a bit outdated (1996) but still a good read if you haven't is- The Clash of Civilizations by S Huntington. I am going to pick up a few of these on your list that I am not familiar with, so thanks ahead of time! Val~
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Oh yes indeed, A Distant Mirror is a staple in my library.
Trust me and get Dreadnought by Robert K Massie!!!!!!!!!!!!
My ex-wife is on her way up from San Diego to get a box of work files/paperwork etc. I hope this is the last time we ever see each other again. Seeing her gets me so agitated, not talking and not seeing her PERMANENTLY will help me over time. I admit it I just popped my XANEX and PROZAC to make the meeting less........fill in the blank
I ran 5 miles in the morning and another 3 a couple hours ago. Another two weeks and I will start swimming again. The pier to pier swim here in Newport Beach is Saturday I am going to cheer on a couple lady friends who are in it. 2.2 miles of open ocean swimming very cool.
I am sore but my body is finally waking up slowly from 2 years of complete neglect. I think I can be in shape by New Years.
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| July 2008 |
Wednesday, 7/16
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Monday, 7/14
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June 2008 |
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Monday, 6/23
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Thursday, 6/19
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Wednesday, 6/18
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Tuesday, 6/17
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Tuesday, 6/17
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Monday, 6/16
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Sunday, 6/15
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April 2008 |
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Sunday, 4/06
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Saturday, 4/05
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Goal Updated
My friend, it is so good that you speak of this. As someone who feels as you do about the furkids, I won't jive you: there is NO replacement for Oso and we both know that. They have special soul, these lovepigs (as I call them) and they are emphatically NOT interchangeable, and i am sorry for the loutishness of those who don't get that .
Let me say this though..... our bond with the special ones in our lives is a celebration of caring and trust, the very things that have been so bashed by your divorce and Oso's departure for the Rainbow Bridge. My good friend, please consider taking in a needy animal ay this time.... NOT to replace Oso, because that can't happen ever, but to honor him by extending the bond of love and trust to another furry soul in need.
I am living in isolation from people, and my trust is shattered too. I cry many times daily, and daydream of suicide the same way that others woolgather about a tropical vacation. I am heartbroken and beset by the one who used to love me. It doesn't get much worse.....
But I have my love pigs.... 3 formerly feral cats and a previously homeless dog and we create a field of acceptance and love for each other. I would have detached a looong time ago w/o them. Please consider re-bonding with the living world again in this fashion, and
I really hope that you won't resent the suggestion.
I wish you the best and send you hugs........from boyd........who wishes she had known that bear dog.......
boyd52
I know what you mean and I'm so sorry for your loss.
I don't trust people any more, but wish for that special someone I could really trust...but have my doubts.
What some people do to animals sickens me.
I'm more afraid of people than if I came up against a wild bear.
One of my cats just died a horrible death & I suspect poison.
My heart breaks & I send you love & wishes for peace.
xoxo
moonstar
The shell is a good place to be. Don't deny yourself the shell. Your intelligent so you may survive. Thanks for all your comforting words. I can't express much. I just think I know how you may feel. Luv, Ree
reenee
I understand about everyone wanting you to get another dog. I kept hearing that from some of my friends. What they didnt understand was all I wanted was MY special dog back! No other dog. In my prayers for my dog to be found safe, I promised God everything, I offered up to give up most of my life, just to find her, even just find her body. Then I realized that the love I have for my dog is still there and I have to release it. I did find another wonderful gift from God, a fur child. I found a little dog at local humane society. It was automatic for her and me. But getting another dog is not an option for some, some have to take a little more time to heal.
My healing came with fur, four legs and loyality.
She is a very loving animal. : ) But Patrick, you need to heal, friends can help you heal. Please do not turn your back on friends. Yes, a few will not understand your grieve, that is fact. Time does heal you part way, it gets easier, but not better. Some days , I still cry for my lost dog, some days I smile thinking about things she would do. It is all part of life.
Your love for Oso will never die. But that love is still penned up in you, please find it in your heart to adopt again.
You are in my prayers
rebellady