Weekends are tough
This weekend has been tough and its early morning Saturday. My life has always revolved around my family, and I …
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Casey (my boyfriend) left this morning. He'll be gone for two weeks. With all that is going on with my mom, it's just really bad timing. It always stinks but this time it's just plain lonely. He is the only one I have here. The rest of my family all live over 50 miles away. So do all my friends. I'm getting behind in school which is scary because its the only way I am going to get out of this life I created. Always broke, always missing something, never completely happy with me.I know, I know Woe is me. Sorry. It's just been rough lately and it takes me back to worse times. Like when I checked into the Psych unit at the hospital cuz life was just too hard. I don't want to ever feel that bad again. I feel guilty because it all revolved around what my moms brother did to me and I had no idea how angry I was. Not at him, but at her. Now she's dying and I think about all the bad things I said about her and it makes me feel evil.
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You're not evil for what you said about your mum. You had a right to be angry with her. She was wrong because she failed to protect you. You were badly hurt when you were too young to protect yourself.
Now that she's dying, it will help YOU alot if you forgive her. Even if you don't want to, do it! "Fake it, 'til you make it." (I had a very similiar experience.)
Ita