strawberrydawn's Journal

I had my baby! I am so happy and so grateful. I am also very tired. I am trying to adjust to all of this new change. I have had 2 relapses since I got pregnant. One really bad one. But now I do as much as I can to stay healthy for the sake of my family. I love him sooo much. It is hard to believe he is here, such a gift...I am so grateful for family and friends these days. Thank God for never giving up on me....I pray for us all

Well I am done about 5 weeks of school and I am still here!! It has been surprisingly easy.. i had one rough spot with a gambling relapse but my friends saw me thru it. Right now its mostly review which I am grateful for. It is giving me the time to adjust. We started with a really small class, more will be added as of this Monday. Worried about how my nerves will react to a new group of ppl. Trying not to stress until its actually here. At least I dont have to sit alone, I have my classmates. And i guess eventually these ppl will feel "normal" to me after awhile. Sigh. Well, more so anyway. I am at school right now for a free dinner thing they are having for students. As for my pregnancy, so far so good. Except that I am too big as I was really overweight before hand. I was doing so good with my diet and walking but since I started school it went down the drain. Now i just dont seem to want to. But at my last obgyn appoint they said my baby was measuring weeks larger. I have mentioned to a couple of my friends that I want to walk again but in the end I have excuses. I worry that this weight is unhealthy though. At least I eased up on the junk food. Still smoking but cut way down. Changed my antidepressant to a lower dose and went off the anxiety pills. I made one lil friend that is helping alot w/ school. Shes just a baby but we clicked right away. And everyone else has been pretty good, only one loud guy who gets on my nerves. My marks are good. I am due at the end of November...it seems so far and yet too close. I still want time to adjust but I think I am mainly just worried about another 3 months' worth of weight gain. Just started talking to my mom again after yet another arguement. Sigh. I hope it gets better with us. I wish we knew how to talk better w/o having to blow up, etc. I got to go camping for a few days which was great. Well, thats it for now. I havent written for so long. I dont seem to have the desire to go near a computer anymore.

I go to my first day of classes as of 8 this morning. Its still hard to believe. I am nervous as hell but overall not too bad. I am slightly excited as well. Im sure it wont be long before i fall into the swing of things. I want to get there early, hoping to say hi to a few ppl in the same program. Still havent been exercising again and havent been to a meeting in weeks. I will know today if i got the apartment that i applied for, really hoping i get it as it is one of the very few decent places that still rents month to month. I already know it wont be big enuf for me and a baby but for now it will do. I will look for a two bedroom once i ...see how im doing in school i guess. Baby is due at the end of November, this program ends in April. But for me it will be good. I dont know how it will be with a newborn but I am going to find out. Breathe. I suppose i should finish getting ready and maybe go sit outside a bit to keep myself from getting too anxious. Thank you God for this day and for my family.