FaithLuvHopeCourage's Journal

I need your advice! Mood

Wednesday, July 9, 2008

Yesterday I did weight training and it kicked my butt! Seems that proper "form" is the key and I'm hoping I can learn it!

I worked out this morning and upped my time.

Today I emailed a possible volunteer opporunity about working with pets.

I need some advice....

I met a "friend" in a support group in 2002. We've been friends that do things from time to time and then we started emailing quite often and talking on the phone more often etc. I thought we had a pretty good friendship. Well I'm a little short in the friendship department and I knew we weren't best friends but I thought we were close friends. So I asked her to be my maid of honor. Well she said yes right away but then wasn't really there for me that much. I ended up planning my own bridal shower and giving her the credit. She mostly talked to her boyfriend the whole time we were dress fitting and was an hour late to my wedding (I of course asked her to be there early luckily so the wedding wasn't actually delayed) and while she was there she mostly talked with her boyfriend. Well now she is engaged and she boldly told me all about who she chose to be her maid of honor--which wasn't me....and then went on to say she was looking for bridesmaids dresses and a wedding dress...did I want to come and look with her....and of course ....didn't ask me if I wanted to be in her wedding party...and coldly asked me if I would come to her wedding....I was/am really hurt. So I told her in an email because that is where I communicate the best. And originally she replied and said she was sorry and that she just didn't have it all figured out whether or not she was going to have bridesmaids....but then later took me shopping with her asking me to help her pick out bridesmaids dresses....but still letting me know I'm not one of them. To end the friendship...?? I'm really hurt and I don't know if I can be her friend. I feel embarrased that I thought she was a closer friend than what she actually says and I'm embarrased that I asked her to be my maid of honor. I will have a hard time letting go of this long time friend....but...can I really recover from that humilation and hurt? Do I want to be friends with that kind of person?? Am I being too dramatic??

Would be interested to hear other people's opinion....

Hug Faith...

Send to a Friend

Comments

it's a tricky thing the whole bridesmaid dilemma. I've been in a couple of friend's weddings and they're really close friends... but I just feel like if I had a wedding I should choose my sisters coz we've got a bond that goes beyond friendship. its not that I don't love my friends, I do and I wish I could have them as bridesmaids too but I can't have 10 bridesmaids lol! I don't think you should be too worried that she didn't choose you... though the way she handled your wedding sounded a bit insensitive so I can see why you'd be hurt. in the end, I think friendships are worth keeping, even if the person has hurt you... you may never be super close because of it but that's better than having a falling out.

naomi683
Faith,
It does not seem that your friend is really much of a friend, or takes weddings to seriously...She appeared to be more interested in her BF then the honor of being your Maid of Honor, or perhaps it is just the whole bridesmaid/maid of honor thing she dosent take too seriously..She certainally did not take being your MoH seriously.
The Christian thing to do in this situation, would be to forgive her, and love her as Christ loves her., and as hurt as you are, support her, and her marriage by being there to share the occation with her. Jesus told us that "the first shall be last, and the last shall be first"!
There is a reason for all this happiening the way that it is, that only the Lord knows right now, but, in time, He will reveal it to you.
Hope that this helps, always remember Faith, that the Best Friend you will ever have is Jesus! :) He will never let you down, or forsake you.
~David

DrLovejoy
Look at it this way ... it's expensive to be in the wedding party. Ya gotta by the dress, the shoes, the jewelry, get your hair done, get your nails done. By not being in her wedding party you saved yourself a lot of money!!! : )

JOANNE1971
How has she been as a friend so far? Is there something in your Friendship Void that she actually fills (I ask this because I have a HUGE Friendship Void and I accept less than perfect friends who sometimes hurt me)?

Unless she does -- I would say that she is not a good friend to have. She was NOT there for you for your wedding. On top of that SHE WAS LATE. Does that show a caring person? No. Clearly she does not care about you.

She was busy talking to her boyfriend all the time. A real friend would have been keyed in to YOU. This was your special time.

And SHE WAS LATE TO YOUR WEDDING.

She did not have the balls or the common courtesy to tell you that you were not a bridesmaid. The way you found out was she told you about getting bridesmaid dresses. "Oh," you must have thought sadly, "I guess I'm not a bridesmaid."

If she really cared about you and your friendship she would have:
A) made you a bridesmaid
OR
B) taken you aside and told you in a caring, thoughtful way that you were not a bridesmaid and why she had to choose other people.

This woman does not care about you.

We train people how to teach us. This is not blaming you. Just letting you know if you continue to be this woman's friend you can expect more of the same poor treatment.

Tamara999