jacksmom555's Journal

Oh dear. I did a bad thing. I went out last night with some friends and ended up drinking too much. (Jack was with his father at our house.) Thus, I wasn’t in any shape to drive me and my son to my sister’s house, so we stayed at our house with my husband there. I slept in our bed with my husband and yes, we had sex. It felt good lying next to him; we held hands and he does this thing where he lays his hand on my neck and I just love that.  

He assumes now that I am going to stay there, and not go back to my sister’s house. I kind of want to try it out again; we have some fun things planned for the weekend and I am really looking forward to it. I miss my home and my surroundings, and this break has given me a chance to think things through and evaluate and plan more of what I expect from him if we are going to stay together, and what to do if we don’t. I gave him the name of a counselor to call, and he promised to do that today. I also plan to give him some information on emotional abuse for him to review, so maybe these together will help him change? Who am I kidding… but I guess I am just not at that point that I am completely ready to leave, but when I do – and I probably will – I have my ducks in a row to get it done.  

Jack seemed awfully happy this morning, and I don’t know if it is because we are getting back into our former routine or that he went to bed at an earlier time last night, or if he was just in a good mood for no reason at all. And my husband was super nice; I understand we are in the honeymoon phase but he has been warned if he shows any sort of abusive behavior again I am going back to my sister’s house. Hopefully this will help him think before he talks. But as we all know, that will most likely not happen. 

Who knows if what I am doing is right or wrong, but it just seems to be the thing to do at the moment. We live day by day, and today this is how it is. Sigh. Will I ever learn?!?