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Sept 10th wasnt as bad as i thought it would be. I took the 2 yellow roses out to the grave sight. I layed them on the grave, kissed my hand and touched his name on the stone and walked away. I think i got myself all tore up just knowing what that day meant....crazy i know. My good friend and i went out to eat, i helped her pack up things (she getting divorce) so that helped take my mind off of the day. We laughed and i cried a few times but all in all it was a not so horrible day, what ever that means.
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sept 10th would have been our 20th anniversary. I am uneasy about that day coming. i think i will buy, or pick some fresh flowers and put them on the grave, and then go to my best friends house. I dont know if i wanna be alone all day, i think i would just cry my eyes out all day. It has been 8 months now since he has left. That doesnt seem real. ...I keep living this "this is not my life" life. Like i will wake up and things will not be this way. It is a strange place i am in....Wonder if others feel that way to?
I dont know.....
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I think your plans for the day of our 20th anniversary are wonderful.I am glad you are not going to spend the day alone.crying is healing and is understandable.I cant imagine how or what i would feel like if I lost my husband.I think what your feeling now (thhis is not my life feeling)may be a survieval mechanism.Be good and gentle with yourself hon.YOur a beautiful woman and have experienced a great loss.That will take time.You will get through it.I hope you find others here on Daily Strength who you can share with and get support I have a friend here on DS who has lost her husband as well.She is a cool person.I will put her link to her profile page.Just FYI. Maybe you two would like to be friends. hugs and compassion for you my friend x0
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Today was a good day. I notice as i look back over myjournals that i am very emotional. ONe day good, next day rock bottom. My daughter had me a surprise birthday party, for i am 40 and "over the hill" so i am told, lol. It was on monday- the worst day i have had yet at work! It was the perfect ending to a horrible day. I am so blessed to have a beautiful child who sees past herself and can "feel" for other people. She said she knew that this birthday would be a sad one because of dad not being here. She gave me a locket with a pic of her on one side and a pic of him on the other. I just broke down and cried. It was beautiful. I dont know how people who do not have children make it through. I am blessed.
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I think your doing great.Your party and locket that came from your daughter brought tears to my eyes,so I can imagine how it made you feel.Your daughter came from you and your husbands union and love and she is in a way a mirror that reflects that love you have for all of each other.She is beautiful and you are too my friend.And 40 is Definately NOT over the hill.Happy! Belated! Birthday! hon with many more to come.
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your day sounded filled both with joy and sorrow.
I am glad you were with your friend.
Keep taking care of yourself my friend hugs x0
jannis