Sthrnbell48's Journal

Not to happy tonight Mood

Thursday, April 3, 2008 | A Sad story

I don't know what to think at this point!! I went out to dinner with my daughter tonight and she told me that she didn't think she was going to live to see her 30's. I asked her why she said that and she said she had thought this for a long time. She said she knew her brother would die an early death and that she felt she would too. I asked her if she thought she knew how she was going to die and she said she did, but wouldn't tell me because I would try to stop it from happening. I know she won't comitt suicide because she thinks that is the cowards way out, but she doesnt' want me to know because I will try to interfear. Some times I don't know what to say to her and she gets frustrated with me if she tells me she is depressed or that she has an eating disorder and I tell her that I think she is a great person and that she has a lot of smarts for someone her age and she should be proud of herself for the things she has accomplished and that I don't want her to do anything to hurt herself. I guess I just don't know how to talk to her some times. I love her so much, it kills me at the thought of something happening to her too. She made the comment to me one night that I don't listen to her when she tells me she took laxitives and would throw up to get rid of her food because she thinks she is fat and I tell her I don't want her to keep doing it because she will get sick and I don't want to see her die that way. I asked her to stop and some how she didn't think I cared. I don't know what she wants me to do. I can only do so much unless she talks to me and lets me in. I can't guess what she needs from me. I can only give her the love and compassion that I think she needs. If any one has any suggestions, please feel free to write and help. My daughter has owned her home since she was 18, worked the same office job for 6 years, worked a part time job for 3yrs. and had another fulltime job for a while, now only works the first two. She is so smart and beautiful, and has accomplished a lot for her age. I wish we knew what makes people depressed! I wish I could just wave my hand over my daughter and make her life all better so she could live a happy life from now on. She did tell me a while back that she had been malested by my x boyfriend when she was younger and she never told me untill this year, now that she is an adult and Iam no longer with the windbag. If I see him again, I don't know what I will do to him. I might do something to make him pay for what he has done to my daughter. I told her she should have him prossicuted for this and she said she just wanted to forget it. I can't make her do what I think she should do. And it is to late for me to do anything about it at this point I think. I feel really bad that I didn't catch him in the act or had mother intuition and knew that he was messing with her. I just don't want her to feel like I wasn't a good mother because I didn't know. She never told her brother either when she told him every thing because she knew he would kill him and I feel she thought I would too and that may be why she didn't tell me.

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Comments

All you can do is just be there for her to talk to. Enjoy your moments with her, even when they are sad. It sounds like you are a great Mom. Is she in counseling? If not, maybe you could go together. At least for a while. It will all work out somehow. As we know, all too well, we have very little control about anything. Peaceful wishes. Ginger

gkg21
I go through similar things with my daughter - they want you to talk to them and they want you to listen to them but it seems like we don't quite connect. Maybe that's another learning experience for us - one of those 'make you stronger' things. It is terribly frustrating and I don't know how to change it either. I agree with Ginger, though. You sound like a wonderful mother and counseling could really help you both move through this. God bless - Barbara

ForMomsOnly
Right now your daughter is a mess, just like you are. Give her some time to come to terms with what has happened, it's very hard on sibs. Be available and listen, just as you need to be heard so does she, she's just coming from another perspective. It takes time.

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