pbright's Journal

Emotional Word Picture of My Mood Today (April 9, 2008)

There is child about 12 years old walking down a street.  This child seems very poor.  This child’s cloths are dirty and their hair is unwashed.  This child’s face is smeared with dirt.  This child seems to be of the street, not just walking there.

As I look at the street I see nothing really special; it’s like any other street you would walk on.  The street has shops on both sides of various types.  The street has restaurants, where people are gathered, eating meals and enjoying each other’s company.  It’s just a normal street.

I notice the time of day seems to be late evening and the sun is starting to set.  The street seems to be getting darker, as the shadows start to emerge from there hiding places and begin their street dance.

I see the child walk up to one of the restaurants front windows.  The child stands there, just looking in with their face pressed up against the glass.  I can see the breath of child splash over the glass like smooth running water.  Their breath is hot and their breathing is very fast.

I notice as I watch this scene, the child is staring at a single table in the restaurant.  The child’s eyes are fixed, like in some deep trance or some faraway place in their mind. 

Looking at the table, I see a family seated there.  Looking at the table, I see another child of the same age, laughing and enjoying their meal with the family.  Looking at the table, I see pure love.

I then notice, the child of the street starting to shake.  There chest begins to rise and fall in very quick motions.   I see tears streaming from the child’s eyes, the tears rolling down the child’s cheeks, and the tears dropping off to the street below.   The child of the street is crying.  No, the child of the street is not just crying, the child of the street is mourning.

At that very moment, the child of the street turns around and stares directly in my eyes.  At that very moment, I realize that child is me.

Explanation of How My Emotional Word Picture Fits My Life Situation:

I am the child in the street and the street represents the path my life is currently on.

For me, the table in the restaurant represents my marriage and its current state.  It’s a table I’m no longer allowed to sit at to enjoy my meal, but can only watch from outside the restaurant with my face pressed up against the glass.

For me the family at the table represents my spouse.

For me, the emotion felt by the child is my realization, my awakening, of what truly has been lost.  It represents the mourning process that now has begun in my life, the regrets flowing through my heart and the life changes I’ve made at my very soul.
 

Life Lesson:

Well this one is really simple; I will not ever take for granted the table (marriage) I’m sitting out.  I will not ever take for granted the family (spouse) sitting at the table next to me.  

For if I do, one day I could wake up like that child and realize the table (marriage) has no chairs left for me or the family (spouse) is sitting at another table.

In my life at this very moment, even though my face is pressed up against the glass and I’m no longer able to sit at the table I so desire, I still deeply love, cherish and honor my spouse who is still sitting there.   My spouse has my heart and I mourn.  I mourn deeply.

My journey continues.