Blackbeltbipolar's Journal

  Hello!  I am in a process of God setting me free from a lot of issues in my life!  He is sooo great!  Being alone is actually a happy time for me now, it's not a painful time for me like when I was growing up!  When I was growing up I was alone a whole lot.  I was alone a lot and I didn't want to be.  My mom never understood that.  She just knew that she needed to work to provide, which is a great thing!  My mom was raising me alone and she worked long hours in the GM shop.  She always did a great job at providing!  She didn't realize that her daughter was silently suffering at home alone.  I could have no freinds over.  I had to have the windows closed and the curtains shut, and the doors closed.  I could not go outside.  She had to make sure that no one knew I was at home.  I did however spend a whole lot of time talking on the telphone.  Also I was having a hard time being alone because my brother Wayne had died of Lukemia on Nov. 9, 1986.  I went into such a deep depression that all I did at home was sit there and cry until I couldn't cry no more!  I would get so depressed that I could not move off my bed.  I was in a lot of emotional pain.  And there was no one that would reach out to me and talk about what was going on with me.  I was twelve years old.  At the same time that my brother died, some girls at my school made a rumor about me.  They hated me and I guess now that I look back, (were jealous of me).  They told me they were going to make sure that I never had a boyfriend.  They came up with the idea of telling people at the school and all over that I was gay!  I was so devastated!  I was in the middle of greiving over my brother's death and everthing!  I tried to comment suicide when my mom was at work.  I was going to slit my wrist.  I just was in so much pain and I was hurting so bad over my brother's death and also what those girls did.  I ended up dropping the knife though, because I saw a black tall figure staring at me in my mom's basement!  It was not a cat or any other animal, my mom wouldn't let me have an animal.  So when I saw it, I oh most tripped up the stairs trying to run from it.  I looked behind me and it was coming after me!  This was not the first encounter that I had in that house!  The first time something happened I was only 11.  Any ways I ran up the stairs as it was chasing me.  I went into my bedroom and hurried and shut the door and locked it!  So many bad things happened in that house, and some pretty weird things at times still do now!  I forgot to mention that the eyes were green that came after me, and it was about six feet tall.  The house was like that movie Amityville Horror, only it was really happening, and it was happening to me!  Also I found out that the church that my mother took me to when I was nine, was a occultic church!  So this explains way there were demonic activies going on in the house!  Some other people besides me had things happen to them also.  A lot of people still get an uneasy feeling when they go in the house or are just outside in a car in the drive way.