Barely breathing loving you,losing …
Barely breathing loving you,losing youand all that had beennow i'm wanting you, needing you and trying …
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never know where to start....so much I need to get out. Its eating at me constantly....I wear a mask everyday, and I'm afraid its starting to fall apart. what will I do then? I am such a piece of shit...shouldn't I be greatful any little tidbit that gets thrown my way? why must I want and wish for more...its not possible for me. I need make myself be happy with what I have. why do I feel like this inside....its getting harder and harder to hide the tears or lie about them when they are seen. its so hard to live with someone who doesn't really value me or think there is anything great about me. to him, I'm a "freak" Not making this up as he has said it o me many times. I'm here...in this world, this marriage... for my kids. someday, maybe ...
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I want you to think about something very seriously. You say you're in this for your children-- but I would like you to think about how if you're unhappy your children will pick up on that. How they are empathic, as youngsters, and how that will affect their upbringing, their views on life, their self esteem, how they look at themselves and everyone else. You don't have to *act* depressed for a child to be affected by it... you don't have to *act* like you and your husband don't get along for them to pick up on it... you don't have to show anything to the world to have them know that something is not right. This is just the way of the world. Don't you want to give them the best possible future, even if that means that you have to make a huge sacrifice now? It's just my point of view, and you certainly don't need to listen to me, they're not my children... but I'd at least like for you to chew on that for awhile.
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