caroleclc's Journal

My son was the best..he bought me a dvd and made breakfast and dinner..He was so great..!!

I have been sort of ill feeling lately...not sure why....I am more nervous about my Hep C then last week. .. Still upset at times very upset and sad about being alone..and dont notice or awknowledge when I guy notices me...

I feel so aged in a year....A year after my last love..didnt get over that at all..for over a year..then peaked into every menopause symptom...there is..now I seem to be getitng symptoms stronger..like they are finding their way throught the medication that keeps them at bay...

But ..having a good time taking walks with my neighbor..she is much older than I but good company..so at least there is someone..and maybe that is why I value her company so much...She asked me to go to a church function.. yesterday..and I said no..I should of said yes..to get out to meet people..This church is so great..and I just denied myself the chance to be around good people and there are some nice looking guys my age there...

I am braver about telling people I have hep c  instead of hiding it..I feel a sense of freedom after I have told someone..that I am not so alone....

My liver/spleen area has been irritating..I am afraid to complain to a doctor about it....Because..every time I have been to a dr..it always turns out to be serious..I just cant take that right now...

When I get stressed my stomach bothers me..and it is being stressed it hurts..I know it is stress ,and I know stress makes you sicker..Yes I am exercising..but I guess I just am not handling this very well...I usually call in sick about once a month..and I havent been doing that..My job is so stressful..I just bite it and work hard..

A significant thought has been passing through me...which is make other people happy..get them something they want or need..  Do something for them you know they will enjoy and that will distract me from myself...I  have been wanting to do things for strangers...Funny...the other day a guy was looking at me..flirting..Happened a couple of times this month..and I dont pretend to see it..I just ignore it   so I guess if I am not awknowledgeing it I cant get hurt.....

I dont know..blabbing away...all this hurt is better when I just distract myself ...The days are seeming longer...Like I need to do more with them..I still find myself when not exerciseing or walking with my neighbor friend..just watching comedy...think about doing art and going to bed...The art is calling..it is all under my bed right now...20 years of art supplies waiting for me to get to it again....sigh..

I know other people out there have much harder a life than mine..Mine is easy right now..compared to some..I am sorry I complain..I  am thankful God has given me this gift of life and to feel  and be able to feel..that is a gift too..even if it is to feel sadness..because this too shall pass and maybe I will be able to share this stuff with someone else...

I miss holding someone at night..

Peace/ Prayers for peace. No bad dreams tonight ..just happy thoughts .

Remembering the ocean..walking on the beach..