SooSad1972's Journal

Well our daughter graduated HS. It was a good day. I did everything I could to make it the perfect day and thats exactly what she got. My Ex her Biological father was here so hubby was all over me. I guess he felt I might get even with my ex but he doesnt realize that would never happen. ( I like the fact hat he worried the whole week that guy was here) On Grad day I got my hair cut mind you it was down my lower back they cut half off and layered it, I wore a more form fitting outfit since losing my 20 lbs and had my makeup done EVERYONE even my own sisters couldnt believe it was me, Hubby kept giving me the eye and my ex did a double take. I loved it! I didnt steel my daughter's limelight she was still the main focus but I managed to get a little attention and that was awesome. So after it was all over and everyone went back home hubby decided to get a little romatic which was nice for a change and I realize again how much I yearn for that attention I feel so alive. We have been out on a few date nights to the restaurants and usually chat about the business and the kids nothing really personal comes up but we have a decent time. Fathers Day I made a nice meal and the kids got him some cool gifts. It was a nice day we spent the evening watching a little tv and now we are back to the hustle and bustle. At this point we are planning our possible career changes which will take about a year H is offering to pay my school we will see how that pans out. Other than that I dont know I find myself checking up on him less and less. I do once in a while but it turns out clean. Feeling he still maybe looking into online porn but not as much. As far as by company phone I cant tell thats the hard part. I have no access to his company cell phone that stays at work. He works pt at another company, but what can you do.

Well we didnt make it out of town, we both had to work. Anyways now he is going tomorrow and Im stuck at work. He claims he is visiting a friend he goes hunting with to pay for his hunting membership, I get that insecure feeling wondering if thats what he is really going to do or is it a cover up to meet up with someone. Anyways as time passes by I feel like I am drifting away from him. The thought of being on my own and maybe starting a new life is starting to sound not too bad. I dont want to feel like I am his mother anymore I am tired of doing everything for him. I want a husband I want someone to go out with, to laugh with, to be intimate with. For God's sake how can you be intimate with someone you cant trust. He has made suttle passes that I keep ignoring. I think he feels like I may be interested in someone else. Sometimes I hate this life.....

Hi friends, I have been away for a while. Lately its been all about work, I have been drowning myself in work. Its a busy time for us which is good I guess dont have alot of time to think about much. Things are there still in limbo. I have been going to the gym so far I have lost a good 15 pounds or so. I have that good accomplishment which makes me feel good. Bought some new outfits which I had not done in years. H actually made a comment and said Wow you sure are losing a lot of weight quickly. Believe it or not he actually made a pass and tried to get intimate,  didn't respond. I felt like it was half ass hardly no effort. So he calls me this morning and said I pushed him away and I replied that his half attempt at foreplay was poor and I didnt think he really wanted to do anything. He said no he did anyways now he is inviting me out of town for the weekend. Dont know if I wanna go. I feel drained almost to the point that I dont know if I even wanna try its just a confusing time for me right now. Maybe I will go who knows we will  see how the week goes. Wish me luck