jodeKW's Journal

damn dogs broke into chicken coop.  we USED to have 4 chickens, the kids'.  now we have one tore up rooster and one hen...only had 4 alltogether...they killed the hen that was setting, and the other rooster is missing...feathers everywhere. 

I shouldn't place blame. I should have inspected the doop myself, and done repairs...but I'm not the one with a shop with a ton of tools, I didn't let the kids get more chickens, I don't only take care of the shit that is (mine)...ex. my boats, my shop, my truck....

fucking jerk, could have built a new coop in a day. 

I got rid of the chickens before because the dog he let our daughter have killed, mitilated, and ate 9 chickens....so when I was moved out he let them get 4 new ones.  I built that damn coop 10 or more years ago..surrounded it in chicken wire, but it got old and rotten, and the dogs tore a hole in the wall and did all this damage. 

It just compounds everything else.  I am the one that gets emotional about silly shit like chickens, he shruggs it off. 

I don't know how much more I can take...and now I get to deal with the kids being upset, while he is out fishing...I barely have any money, and am going to try to get some chicken wire and fix it tomorrow.  I am so fucking pissed.

I don't want to drink or smoke pot, but a handfull of xanax would sure get me by.  I won't do it, my kids would be crushed.  I would be crushed, my grandma would be so crushed.  I just want life to be easy.  fuck, I have changed so much about me.  I USED to be somebody else...I used to drink, drug, smoke pot like it was air, take pills to make me 'better'.  Now I just want things around me to be better, and I get almost no support from him.  I am not on bank accounts...charge accounts, car insurance....deeds, titles...nothing.  But I am supposed to be better to him, for him, with him him him him him.

I do not know if I can take it anymore.

I don't know anthing, except things are not right.

I am not horrible, but I am not good, or okay right now.