I'm moving this week. What a joke.. I've told everyone that I'm simply throwing it out the window. That's not a joke!!!! My husband and I can bearly do our own laundry. Nothing seems important enough to add this kind of ppain. Nothing is precious enough to expend more precious energy. there has only been one person who has offered to help. of course it's someone who is in deep pain herself. I wont let her come. IF I cant take care of my own stuff then I don't want it. Ive moved so many times in my life. things just keep changeing but theres always things. im unable to enjoy them, much less take care of them......if im not allowed to throw myself away then maybe this will be the next best thing. i am a living only a shell of an existance. no reason to decorate it. my depression keeps my focus inward anyway. maybe this is one way to make the world slowly disappear if i put physical things in the trash.......then a nothing will have nothing...sounds about right.
May 14, 2008 5:11pm
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FOR THOU DIDST FORM MY INWARD PARTSTHOU DIDNST WEAVE ME IN MY MOTHER'S WOMBI WILL GIVE THANKS TO THEE,FOR I AM FEARFULLY AND WONDERFULLY MADE; I didn't always understand this verse. I spent a lifetime hating myself, hurting myself . ...
May 11, 2008 10:23am
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Another weekend almost over. Another day almost through. Another day wasted on nothing but existance. Sometimes I wonder if death is my best option.
AW darling, I know that feeling, I too have moved so much and the things...the stupid f'ing things remain...and I see that I don't take care of any of my stuff...all my CDS are scratched etc..I don't take care of me...HUGS
ChefJess
you are NOT a nothing ! you are my very dear friend , never forget that . moving does suck though i agree with you there , i miss you too , we will talk soon . big hugs to you !!
ami