eggs's Journal

new page.......... its so hard to turn it knowing how much will change. Fearing that it will all be negative. Wondering if this is going to be the one that breaks you. Im so close now.. so many days of not wanting to try, not wanting to look and find out. too tender...too much.  I just want to hide. cant move.. wanting to melt into the mattress. wishing the breathing would just stop so that all the pain would stop. if only i could float away... find away to relaxe.. brain is no longer searching , not looking for any more of anything. knowing theres not even enough energy to close the book. knowing you shouldn't. trying to remember why not. stillness..... nothing. Ring.... ring.... ring.... i'm not really here anymore......................................