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How do you tell the one you love you dont want him anymore?
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stay above ground
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one of the most painful things i have ever had to go through was letting my husband of 22 years walk out the door to somebody else arms... it has shattered my life and the lives of my kids.. my words to him as he was leaving was ' dont let the gate hit you in the butt as your leaving" and he left... my children were almost adults at that time.. but i dont think it was any easier even at that age... he had so much guilt about leaving us he wanted to commit suicide.. i decided at that time that my kids still needed thier dad around even if it ment accepting my fate of loosing my best friend.. so i let him go without argument.. i was not going to beg him to stay... things were not easy at that time.. my youngest who suffers from ocd and anxiety disorder did not handle it well... this is a man that went from total devotion to his family to leaving all in one week..the devistation was more than i could handle but for the sake of my kids i kept it together and soldered on even though in my heart i was falling apart.. three years have passed and we have now become good friends again... but the pain still lingers deep within.. everytime i hear things about them together the hair on my neck stands up but i shake my head and move on...he wants to come back but im still confused... he still lives with this woman but says theres nothing between them... she has become totaly dependant on him for everything and now i think he feels trapped and obligated to stay with her... im not sure how much longer i should wait .. his family should be his oblogation in my oppinion... we are taking things slow..... i enjoy him when hes with me but i no longer miss him when hes gone.. time will tell i guess....
Comments
I'm sorry you have had this heartache but you seem to be looking it in a positive way. Having the friendship again is a very good sign.
I agree with you that your husband's devotion should belong to his family and not this other woman who now seems to have a tight hold on him. If he wants to return to you and can accept his mistake by walking away from her, as he did you 3 yrs ago, he may be able to save what is left of your marriage. I hope so for your sake and the sake of your children. Even grown children find it very painful to lose the family structure they were raised with and find life is not what they were always told.
May God lead your husband to do the right thing by leaving this OW. She has no claim on him and he needs to be freed from any guilt she is pressing on him. A free meal ticket is not really free if it has to be stolen from someone else.
If I can help by listening please ask. I'd like to add you as a friend too, please.
Sylvia
PudsyP
thankyou for your words of encouragement.. and i also pray that he finds the strenght to do what i know he knows is the right thing.. he has suffered himself from many close family and friends passing away and i believe his berevement has clouded his judgment of what is right and wrong.. he is working through these issues and i feel that to turn him away right now would be a grave mistake... thankyou again... god bless
gynger
You obviously have a forgiving and loving heart. God can heal the past hurts when forgiveness is given and He will forgive when asked. If you Husband knows that and believes his return can be so healing for your whole family as well. May God be with you now as you are working to be the friend, and wife, he really needs while going through his own painful weeks ahead.
Sylvia
PudsyP
I agree with PudsyP. If he wants to leave her, he should walk away from her just like he did you and your children. You depended on him too, as a friend, a husband and a father, yet he walked away. He should live by himself and not expect to leave her and run right back into YOUR arms. ITs been three years and now he realizes what a mistake he made. She trapped him but he was more than willing to walk into her net. You went through hell and came out. Now you don't miss him. He probably realizes that he had better do something now or he may lose you. This is your choice. Do you want to date? Do you want to date him? Take it slow. You have had years to get used to him NOT being there.
needhelp62
you ask some good questions needhelp62...ones i cant answer.. i believe that if he wanted to come back he would of by now..forgiveness isnt always enough to heal broken hearts.. its just easier than admitting its over... be happy
gynger