cavaliers3's Journal

A tough day Mood

Tuesday, April 29, 2008 | A Frustrating story

I've been plagued with gambling urges all day today and am just sooo glad that i self excluded and gamblocked the pc as i would have fallen prey to this gambling demon today, i'm sure. Everytime this little voice was telling me 'it would be fun to play the slots today' and i've been carrying on with my work and trying to ignore it and it kept coming back and the voice seemed to be getting louder each time and then i went out to try and get away from it and visited a friend for a while which helped. It makes me think that i'm going mad, losing the plot, hearing voices in my head. It makes me think are we ever gonna be free of this 'control' it seems to have over us? Things have been great recently, being blessed with my new grandaughter, having some (much needed!) decorating done to my house and facing up to my past, reckless ways by trying little by little to straighten things out with my many creditors so WHY have i been wanting to go back this dark hole and dig myself in even deeper? I suppose the main thing is i didn't because i can't as i'm barred from everywhere, thank god! I still feel pissed off for having the thoughts though and knowing that i would have gambled if i had the chance, it's like admitting that your powerless over something and i hate it...

Hug caval...

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Comments

Unfortunately I am - powerless over gambling. The only way i can recover day by day is admitting that. The first step. This doesn't mean that today I am going to gamble. It means if I choose to it will take hold of me because I am a CG. It's so good that you have self excluded and set up some road blocks for yourself. It certainly makes it harder to gamble. Urges are normal but they will get quieter. - hugs to you today Suzi

Auzgurl
I understand your frustration. TOday out of the blue I had the same thoughts, where the heck did those come from . I have been gf for several months now and hardly ever an urge, so the one today really rocked me. Glad you self excluded, it may not make the urges not come, but it does take away the possiblity of acting on them. WTG.

loosenomore
Admitting you are powerless is the first step to freedom...ironic, isn't it??? It is absolutely necessary to know you are powerless to recover...so so so glad you set up roadblocks. I admire you so much for doing that. We are finding out, more each day, that we don't have to succumb to those evil voices in our heads....I'm sure we all think of the fun of "playing"....but we must remember the misery and despair that is the flip side of that coin...I honestly don't think I would find gambling fun if I went, because I have this awareness that it is truly destroying myself to do it....congrats on your day of triumph...and on to tomorrow...ODAAT....Love, Dianne

DianneE