cassiek1984's Journal

I'd like to talk about my school life growing up. This relates back to my previous post about my strange dream and people have been wanting to know about my school so here it is.

I went to school since I was 4 months old. In the beginning I went to special schools for kids with disabilities to help them reach milestones and learn ADL's and stuff. Then I went to a mainstream  grammar school from K-8.

My problems there basically started right away I would say. I was forced by a teacher aide to eat food I didn't like at the time in kindergarten. I was branded antisocial by 2nd grade, had no true friends to speak of. I was an outcast, never got picked to be someone's partner during group activities, which led to the "authorities" telling my mom that I am antisocial. Well when I heard this I yelled at the person/doctor who said this, informing them I am not antisocial, it was just that no one liked me! To this day I am very shy. 

I started out an outgoing child, always chatting with others. This led to problems though cause I was always talking and never getting any work done and forgetting to eat my lunch, lol.

In 3rd grade I began puberty and it was not a fun time, lol. I also was forced to wear KAFO's. For those of you that don't know what they are, they are those long leg braces like Forrest Gump had to wear. So, I got the nickname Forrest Gump.

I was "mercy passed" in math the whole time during grammar school, I never knew of course, I  always thought I did just enough to pass, lol. Sad, but true.  I didn't learn how to tell time from a non-digital clock until I was 14, didn't tie my shoes on my own til 13.

I would always have a 20 pound backpack everyday coming home from school, and spent at least 4 hours on homework everyday, often having to call my teacher at home telling them I couldn't finish because I didn't understand it.

In 8th grade my class was going to put on a little presentation for other classes because we were learning about Ancient Egypt, we all did art projects to go along with it.  When it came time to practice the little dance number our teacher had talked about, my "health aide" abruptly stopped me from getting up with the rest of my class to even try to do what they were doing. She said "where are you going? you actually think you can do that??" As if that didn't anger me enough, to not even be given the chance to do something with my class, on the way back to my homeroom she ran into the vice principal and she told her all about it and then they both proceeded to ridicule me together.  

Meanwhile, because shit like this had been going on for years, I had began to attempt suicide every couple of months. This started in 5th grade, I tried to smother myself (not too smart I know, but I didn't know any better.)  I did that because I had forgot to do part of a big project in class and was embarrassed in front of my whole class. I should also mention that whenever my teachers would get on me about my schoolwork, my health aide would also ridicule me for it, this is what led to the suicide attempts. To go on about the suicide attempts is pointless cause I lost count after I tried the 5th time, but I do remember the last time I tried, I took a whole bottle of dramamine sedatives, which didn't even do anything to me. 

I remember in 8th grade I even told people I sat with at lunch that I was going to kill myself the next day and no one even did anything about it! No one said a word to me like don't do it and no one told a teacher or anything!  That time I attempted to hang myself, unfortunately to no avail obviously. 

The reasons why I attempted suicide because I didn't have any friends, my parents always yelled at me for doing bad in school and so would my teachers, I was very lonely and alone. In high school I got diagnosed with a learning disability finally, and I know if this had been discovered earlier I would never have been driven to this point.

That's all I'll write for now, just wanted to get it out there.