digga's Journal

Hey ho!

Saturday, May 10, 2008

Day flaming one again!!!

Had a bottle of vodka last night...for what it was worth!! I knew on Thursday i would and once i get the thought in my mind it becomes impossible to remove it (i am powerless over alcohol).

So today i am suffering with my nerves, the guilt, the questions as to why, depressive thoughts and i am unable to update my goal.

I just dont know what is wrong with me...i have been reading the BB and thinking yes this is totally what i want and feel completely all the above the day after when i have been drinking so why the hell did i consciously buy that alcohol last night???

The one and most important thing i am not doing is going to AA meetings. There is one tonight, but from the one group i did attend i was told the saturday group was a really good group because loads of people go to it....this to me isn't good (yet), i would feel overwhelmed and i am too nervous to go to it. Tomorrow, however, there is a newcomer big book study one which i really want to go to....

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Comments

Hun i have said it before and i will probs sounds like a stuck record but i want you to know that i am proud of you for continuing to try! that shows strength! Why don't you try going to online meetings? this may help your nerves.

BeckieC
Dont be overwhelmed at these meetings, just sit at the back and listen, you dont have to do anything you dont want to x

F1FAN
you are so positive about trying again its so refreshing to hear! i belive in you and i belive that you can do this, you have so much on your plate right now and you are trying so hard to get through life in general without the pressure and withdrwal of alcohol too, i am so proud of you, i used to beat myself up about it for the day and get that depressed with it all i went and did it again the following night, you are having a good few days and that is a god thing, Stay posative, im right behind you. Take care you. xx

Ra78
when the student is ready, the teacher will appear. don't give up as it will happen. maybe if you're as hardheaded as myself it may seem a little slow...but it will happen. count on it. devon

itsmylife
Hi hun, hope you made it to the beginner's Big Book meeting! I have sent you another message so hang in there my friend!

Gailly
Do you know anyone who started a diet & didn't 'cheat or blip' from time to time? Err. No. Well times the willpower requirement by 1000 since alcohol is addictive and food isn't (even if its essential in the right doses) & then you're somewhere near what you're asking of yourself. It doesn't matter if you blip. You will. You're human. The important bit is you don't give up and you keep trying (if at first you don't succeed & all that) - then I'm sure eventually it'll get less difficult (easier sounds ridiculous as I somehow doubt it'll ever be 'easy') but it should get less difficult each time or the blips smaller or less regular! Keep with it - you're doing brilliantly even trying you know - as you know my husband can't even get his head round that bit - he's still at the talk about giving it up stage so actually even making a conscious effort is a massive step in the right direction!!! (p.s. I forgot to answer but no - he promises he will attend AA meetings - sadly there's always a reason why he can't :( ) xx

Readytogiveup