I do check in alot, but don't …
I do check in alot, but don't write as often as I would like, haven't felt good lately. I check in and see how …
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I just want this to be over. I hate myself for thinking it, but its true. I am fed up with life. I never achieve anything and never feel like I am loved. I want to be loved and accepted and looked after. But I'm not. Never have been. Every guy that I have thought loved me has lied to me to get something from me. My parents never fail to tell me how worthless and messed up I am. My brothers couldn't give a shit. The only thing stopping me from ending it all is my friends. My friends would seek me out and kill me if I killed myself. I would never hear the end of it if I tried. They don't even know anything is wrong with me. They are too busy with their own lives and own shit. I don't have anyone to talk to anymore and I am being driven over the edge because of it. I don't know how much longer I can take this.
UPDATED GOALS
make through the summer
Progress 10%
Encouragements: 1
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I read something like this and I wish I could do more than just write a response to your journal. You are in real pain, pain that is always so much more intense when it is experienced alone.
You write that there are two things that are causing you to feel this way: 1. never achieving anything and 2. never feeling loved. Those are two very different things. None of us can control who loves us and who doesn't. (The world would be a very different place if we could). But we do have some control over what we can achieve. I don't know you well, but from a quick look on your profile I see that you have accomplished your goal of putting your rapist behind bars where he belongs. So you can write that you've achieved nothing, but that's simply not true. A man who got away with rape once would probably be a man who would do it again. And YOU stopped that. You publicly faced the bastard in court and helped to make sure that he'll never hurt another woman the way he hurt you.
You may have made mistakes in your life. I know I have. But part of being happy is giving yourself credit for the good things you've done.
I hope it was ok to write all this. I am very new to DS and I often feel I'm invading people's privacy by reading their journals and webpages
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