jitterygirl's Journal

Started at Crabby Joe's yesterday and before I started I walked a pretty long way to work, which didn't help. I hate that I have to constantly watch what jobs I take because of this messy spine of mine. There are so many mild to moderate things wrong all along it from all the heavy jobs I've had over the years. Its such a disadvantage to not be able to stand or move around for long periods of time, it really bugs me. In any case I'm going to try it another few days and see what happens, I'll know by then if I can do this or not, I have to give it a try.

In terms of my anxiety, it was okay, it was there mildly, however, I was busy watching the operation of things and asking questions to notice it to much. I know it will come when orders start coming into the kitchen and I'm standing there really unsure of what I'm supposed to do. Thats the time when I feel the most anxiety, when I'm not catching on to things quickly enough, it makes me feel stupid. Another factor is that most of the kitchen staff is 20 or younger so I feel a bit out of place. That, and they seem to know what they are doing and do it with confidence. Another guy who looked to be about 19 if that, started yesterday as well, and he looked very comfortable, diving into the work and knowing instinctively what to do, I felt really intimidated. I've never been the type that catches on very quickly in anything that I do, I'm the type that takes a lot of time and practice to catch on. These days, employers don't want anyone that takes a long time to catch on, they can't afford it.

I also wasn't impressed that there were no scheduled breaks, although I had to sit down anyway. I brought a banana, so in eight hours I had a banana and the cereal I ate for breakfast and I felt like passing out by the time I was done. These kids obviously don't know that labour laws state that if you work eight hours you're entitled to two 15 minute breaks and one half hour lunch at least, they just run out to smoke when ever it isn't busy. So for me to sit when ever, makes me feel uneasy, I really don't like it. The place is new so there are no change rooms, which means I have to change in a bathroom and no lockers which means my purse and clothing are out in the open in the storage room. I'm wearing a uniform with cap there so my street clothing is bunched up on a counter.

I found it totally confusing and loud, it was like " hells kitchen" at the busy lunch hour rush, the cook hollering at the other cook all the orders, which was to many at a time for me to remember. The hollering alone was unnerving, but I also felt really dumb standing there not knowing how to help. I'm told I have to remember alot of orders as I work there over time, and then know when to put what food on to time it all just right so the food won't get cold. I had no idea I would be expected to grill meat and put sauces and things together near a gas stove, I don't think I can do that, I'm not feeling really good about it.

When I was finished I had to walk back home and I was about ready to collapse. My back was aching so bad just from standing and walking. I don't think I moved off the chair for about 3 hours after I got home. Poor Roald worked all day and then felt bad for me so instead of me cooking, he cooked and put it on my lap in the chair where I collapsed...lol. I felt like an old women, I felt really awful actually that I've gotten this bad. Well, I'm going back to day to see what happens, this time I"m going to bring a sandwich and I"m going to take a break to, I have to I can't stand up for eight hours straight and I shouldn't have to. I don't like how this is going, I can't see me lasting here, and I'm disappointed, but I'll see.