HisPrecious's Journal

All These People


All these people full of pain and sorrow
all these people needed a clean tomorrow
but here they stand in the rain
full of doubt fear and pain.

all these people day by day
need their Savior to point the way
all these people strong and weak
need a place of refuge to seek

In their saviors arms and love
they can rest in the one above
his grace is everlasting and true
and he's calling out to me and you.

Will you answer to his call?
or will you stumble and fall?
flat on your face
needing his grace
to stand up again?

He'll be there for you till the end
he wants to know you, call you friend
he loves his children, deep and true
don't ignor his call to you.

I had a great weekend, my husband suprised me by taking me out to a great lunch after church.  I had a great time at church on Sunday, and we hung out with some sweet friends in the evening.  God is alive and working in my life... and right now i'm sitting at my desk looking at carnations that my sweet husband bought for me last week.

I feel loved and blessed!

i woke up from another dream with my father. I miss my family soo much! I feel like there is an empty whole in my life, my brothers, their wives, the nephews and my niece. I've never even seen my niece and she just had her 2nd birthday.   I want to go back soo bad.  I hate it everytime i call up there, because i'm always asked "babe... when are you coming home?"  it rips my heart out. I wish i could, i wish i could transfer jobs and just pick up and go.  I don't have kids of my own... it would be nice to be able to enjoy my nephews and niece.   but the debt is too high, we have horrible credit, and my husband doesn't like changes.   But i'm hurt, and sad, and depressed.... and i'm always like this when I think of my family.   I left when i was 18, that's been a decade as of April 18th.  Since then, my uncle has become incredibly ill, my grandmother had a stroke and is in a nursing home, my mother had another heart attack, and my dad almost died two years ago from an infected punctured lung (he got hurt at work).  Now i just found out he has diabetes Type II.  My family is falling apart... and i'm not there for them, i'm falling apart and they are not here for me ( i dont' want to tell them, since they can't do anything anyway). 

On top of all of this, i really really really really wish we had kids.  I want a family soo bad, i want to cling to loved ones. I want to raise and nurter a child, and love on them.   I know that we have a long way before we can even be considered for adoptions, and to be honest... 'm depressed because we can't have a child naturally.  I work with kids, and babies, and it breaks my heart.. to see them hug and love their families.. i wonder what that would feel like, to be snuggled by my own child. 

I should be happy because i have the joy of Christ and Salvation, but i'm actualy quite depressed today. i just want to climb back in bed and sleep.  But i'm afraid of having more dreams about my family.   Because i don't feel I'll be seeing them for an extremely long time.

PLEASE PRAY FOR ME!