Clementine16's Journal

I haven't learnt to love in the past weeks. But that isn't such a bad thing for me as I have realised that I cant achieve this goal within a few weeks. It takes a lot of time and effort to be able to love someone so completely and without doubt - for me at least. It might take me months or even years to be able to love myself and others fully. In my eyes, thats not a defect. It's a challenge I'm going to achieve...in time. I've also come to realise that love and life are the same. They are both learning curves that we all must go through at some stage. I'm not going to rush myself to complete this goal or even continually think about it. I'm going to relax and enjoy the ride. Love and life are there to be enjoyed by everyone, no matter what they are going through life will still go on...and hopefully everyone will still be with us so they can sit in the passenger seat beside us.

I...yeah...dont want to live. But cant tell anyone. Great. Life sucks so much. I have to help everyone else with their problems and no-one listens to mine. Even my boyfriend. Arguing, shouting, crying. I hate it all. Life sucks so much, I cant even comprehend. Sometimes I hate him, for making me afraid of him incase he hits me. He said I was his dog, always afraid of him. I love him too much to break up with him. Dont want to be pregnant. Want to die before i find out. Nothings my fault...or is everything my fault? I cant even explain these whirlwind of thoughts in my head. I cant make anyone else understand. Am I alone? Short answer:yes. I actually sat in the school library for about 50mins, talking openly about killing myself and no-one was listening at all. When I asked them (my "friends") what I had just said, they couldn't tell me. Still alone.