mudblossom's Journal

My cat is missing still.  This is greatly upsetting to me.  Now, in the past she had a history of taking off at times.  I had grown used to it.  I could deal with it.  She always came back.  In fact, one time when I moved, she got lost for 19 days and was found in response to a flyer.  (I may make another one).  The thing is, right now the timing is awful.  I am in this protracted grief and worsening depression spiral.  It is so upsetting that maybe I neglected her.   My other cat had to be put down a few days before my miscarriage last Sept.  I alternate between feeling like I just will not be able to handle it if Coco doesn't come back, to going numb.

Update Acupuncture Visit 2:  I am pleased to say that I figured out a plan for how much my insurance is going to pay, and what it might cost to continue past then, and if I have any room on my credit cards, etc.  Suffice it to say, it relieved some worries about the cost so I could enjoy being there.  Plus I bought a flower remedy for anxiety, just in case I have more panic attacks.  And I bought the Chinese Herbs for neck pain.  They also confirmed that sometimes the treatment makes things worse at first (which they already predicted, but still it was good validation). 

Reiki:  I finally spoke to the provider that my doctor said helped her with her own grief about fertility.  I didn't get a great vibe, but I made an appt.  It's $65-100/session, my choice of what I want to pay her.  My doctor said she cleared out her grief in one session.  I don't really want to start an ongoing r'sihp at that cost. 

Grief Group tonight, then go home and hope my cat is there.  If not, I'll start working on what I can do.  Mostly I can only trust and try not to freak out.