pauliscool's Journal

30 april 11.59pm

Busy with work, interviews and stuff so less time with rose. Have agreed to take kids for Saturdays over next two months (unless busy etc). Things going ok! Have lots of information (access to emails) I could look at but not looked at it yet. Not sure I want to. Can’t think of a good reason to … I probably will eventually.

And what will I do after what I find?  We want g-g-b threesomes then she has to interact with girls. We want b-b-g threesomes then she has to interact with boys. We want gang bangs then she has to be open to multiple play. And me too of course!

Not sure whether we are getting closer or more distant. In all the above I have to ok that she has sex with these others. 

In a way they all then become a bit like Johan. People she has fucked who she might bump into or meet again. With or without my knowledge.

I haven’t aked her any direct questions lately. Not wanting to put her on the spot.

She has implied it would be easy for her to find girls/women to play with. I suppose she is right. I have seen it. Guys of course are ten a penny.

My new found butterflies philosophy makes lots of things more possible. But this doesn’t mean they are desirable.

The less close I am with my gf the less distasteful sex with others seems. The closer I feel to her the less desirable sex with others seems.

She gave me a nice phone chat tonight … she is with the kids … surely she has not been chatting, etc with other people re sex? But what if she has. Can I still be ok? Yes, is the only answer. Doesn’t mean I have to like it. There might be butterflies. I might feel colder and more distant for a while if I discover this. Then how to explain to her I know without revealing my source. This is not easy.

Will leave it and go to bed. Interview in the morning.

Will get a guy to suck me off.