amberL's Journal

don't feel like myself anymore Mood

Friday, May 9, 2008 | A Frustrating story

I have been real depressed for the last few days. It's almost the 11yr anniversary of Eric being murdered.You figure I wouldn't still be sad like this. Like its still fresh. I just hit my 30th bday. Every bday is sad cuz I know four days later will be another year. I haven't really left the house. I take my daughter to school get cigs and coffee at the store then I don't leave till its time to get her. Then straight back home. I dont even cook hardly. Laundry is knee deep, dishes over flow, I just dont seem to care. I feel numb. Theres alot going on besides his death. Bad marriage,my kid doesnt mind,my mother constantly needing pot to keep her at bay. All my frineds live states away. I used to be outside everyday, tanning, fixing stuff on my car or whatever. Now, I just stare at the floor or cry. I've cried so much in the last few days. I'm tired of it. I have to make myself happy somehow. I think I need to move back in the country or at least a small town. This big town shit sucks! On a busy day it may take an hour to get across town! I'll have to figure out why I keep pulling myself down. I take more pills than I did. Smoking to much, I dont know what the hells next!

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Comments

Sorry to hear your feeling so down, have you ever got barievment counseling or something simular. The world etc is geting on top of you when you should be geting on top of it. Im sure your kid does mind seing you unhappy !
To do with living in the city/town, i know the feeling, the town where i live gets me down. I have been trying to move for quite a while to somewhere more peacefull, when things are going wrong the negative side of city life seems ten fold. I hope you can get out of the rut you are in soon and you can start to enjoy life again soon, t/c Michael

Micall
Keep your chin up... things will get better! I know you dont feel like they ever will, but they do. If God brought us to it... He will get us through it. Remember God will never give you more than you can handle.. My prayers are with you!!!

shaylee0117
Hey girl I know we don't talk too often but I want you to know I am here to listen. So sorry you've been so down. I've been smoking more than normal too. I miss my dad more than I can explain I know how you feel. In most ways anways. Feel freek to drop a note if you need to talk ok?

SkyWoman
i know what your feeling. my nephew passed away may 29, 2007.It just made a year. sorry for your loss.

taino69