Don't drown the jerk!!!
June 21, 2008 2:22pm
I'm going on vacation sunday! Gonna float the Illinois with my daughter and hubby! I gonna be sober (he won't be!!!) and I'm gonna relax. …
Progress
35 %
amberL’s Profile
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About Me
Alcohol, pot, and pills are my BIG weakness. I was a meth addict for 7 long years. I am proud to say I've been clean for 8 yrs! Going on forever. I had to literally remove myself from everyone I knew who did meth. I have anxiety issues, Depression isn't to severe, I am a hermit in ways, this is hard, I was a cutter throughout my teen years, I turned it more into receiving abuse, tattoos & piercings in recent years. I get mad & go work on cars, bust some knuckles, bleed, feel the pain & see I am still a human. I am trying to be honest with myself & everyone else here.
Interests
I have a passion for animals and cars. I get a huge sense of accomplishment when I can go out and fix someones car who can't afford a shop. I also feel great when I can take in a animal who has no one & no hope.I have 3 rescue dogs & one cat, Fatty, Jack, Oskar the weinie & Angel the cat. My daughter is a huge part of my life. She's almost 7. I love all kinds of music from Otis Redding to Ministry to Willie Nelson! Don't have time for movies anymore! I love motorcycles, too.
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Recent Activity
July 2
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amberL changed their mood to OK 8:01pm
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amberL changed their mood to Good 8:01pm
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amberL updated their status 8:01pm
Trying to hold onto my sanity!!…
June 21
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amberL wrote a journal entry updating 2 goals 2:22pm
I'm going on vacation sunday! Gonna float the Illinois with my daughter and hubby! I gonna be sober…
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amberL gave russ77 a Hug 2:14pm
thanks! my comp is so old, it won't let me get on myspace! Since they changed it all. it freezes up every…
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Journal
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don't feel like myself anymore
May 9, 2008 7:05pm
I have been real depressed for the last few days. It's almost the 11yr anniversary of Eric being murdered.You figure I wouldn't still be sad …
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I'm feeling pretty damn good today!
April 30, 2008 1:44pm
For once I woke up, argued with my hubby for an hour or so, then I was just really relaxed. Odd, usually I'm crying, pissed off, or ready to pack …
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Two of my worst days are coming up again.
April 26, 2008 11:31am
May 12th, and July 28th are two days that really hurt me. My birthday is may 8, 4 days before the anniversary of my ex being murdered. Every birthday …
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I got a dog!
April 13, 2008 4:37pm
I went to the pound today and rescued another one! It just fills this spot in me. Knowing I kept a dog from being put down. There was one being …
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Photos
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Goals
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Support Groups
Close Alcoholism
Treatments
- 12 Step Program Working / Worked
- for awhile, it really worked. especially when you're in a rehab. But, when you're out it's a different story.
- AA Meetings Somewhat Helpful
- I realized I didn't want my problem ending up like some of the people I heard. One guy, ran over his neighbors daughter. she died. He had to look at those parents everyday. and drive past that street, everyday! It was horrible to see that man get so upset, and see the whole room get upset. There were alot of stories like that.
- Cold Turkey Working / Worked
- Has been working. I've tried to drink, I just can't. If I tried when I was angry or depressed, then, I probably could. I have a 6 year old, so I HAVE TO stay sober. I don't want her going through the things I have.
- Detox Working / Worked
- Worked while I was in there. It felt kind of like being brainwashed and put on meds.
- Willpower Working / Worked
- Having my daughter made me wake up and quit many things. I was running a pretty wild life there for years. There's alot of days I will never remember or get back.
Close Anxiety
I've battled anxiety for all of my life. It really takes over. I get to where I don't even go get the mail or go to the store. I can't step in a big store like wal-mart or target. My chest starts to feel tight, I get angry, My stomach starts churning. Sometimes I start crying. That hasn't happened for awhile, I stay away from stressful places. It runs in the family, I don't really understand why we're so messed up by simple things people take for granted. Like going out.
Treatments
- Breathing Exercises Somewhat Helpful
- about passed out, I end up holding my breathe!
- Klonopin Working / Worked
- I was on klonopin for about a year, it did help alot. But I always end up quitting my meds. It's been years since I've taken meds.
- Paxil Not Working
- It seemed to bring out my depression more. I became suicidal, angry, it all became worse. I was forced on paxil,imipromine,klonopin,meleril,zoloft,depacote,and many others.
- Valium Working / Worked
- Worked really well, until I began taking to many.I had to give them up so it didn't become a big problem.
- Xanax Working / Worked
- They work well, better than valium. They seemed to calm me faster and in a different way.
- Zoloft Not Working
- They had screwy side effects, I felt like a different persons I didn't like.
Open Depression
Type: Clinical (Major) DepressionI have had depression my whole life. Recently I am getting worse. I thought I was happy. Then in one day, It all crashed. I've cried all day for two days. I feel as if I've lost control! I need help. I can't do it alone anymore. It's to hard.
Treatments
- Paxil Not Working
- did not work, needed support also
- Prozac Somewhat Helpful
- I was young on it. I don't know how it would affect me now.
- Psychotherapy Working / Worked
- worked, but I've not seen a doc in 8 years. I deal with it alone.
- Support from Friends & Family Not Working
- My husband gets angry and drunk, he makes fun of me for being depressed.
- Writing Working / Worked
- Works well, It lets me vent, I get a little better with every push of a button. Or pen stroke.
- Zoloft Somewhat Helpful
- It did help some, The system here doesn't give you much counseling options. I need that
Open Self-Injury
I'm almost thirty and I just realized I am a still a self harmer. I am addicted to tattoos and piercings. I haven't cut in over 10 years. But it took on other forms. When I was younger, they thought I was suicidal and homicidal. No, just enjoyed the release of my pain. Take my mind off it.
Treatments
- Outpatient Treatment Program Working / Worked
- Worked wile I was in there. Once I was out, out came the razors.
- Psychotherapy Somewhat Helpful
- I went through 15 years of therapy, I didn't like going to an office and telling some high paid person to tell me I had issues when I already knew! Then they would ask me what I thought would solve this!! I thought they went to college for this shit!
- Tattoos Working / Worked
- I haven't cut in a decade, but I've got a several tats, piercings, They substitute. in a few eeks I'm heading back to the tat shop!
Open Marijuana Addiction & Recovery
I was conceived high, born high and still high. I could roll at three. Arrested at 11 for selling. I haven't been arrested in 10 years! Knock on wood!!!
Treatments
- Narcotics Anonymous (NA) Working / Worked
- worked cuz I was in rehab
Open Family & Friends of Bipolar
I was diagnosed bipolar at 11. I have dealt with it pretty well, compared to my mother. She has a severe case of bipolar disorder. It has ravaged my life for over 25 years. I deal with every up and down of hers. It brings me down a lot. I also have another family member who is bipolar. It's very hard to struggle with others issues.
Open Prescription Drug Abuse
I have an issue with pills. Pain pills, muscle relaxers, anti anxiety meds. I seem to feel "normal" and happy. Not depressed or angry. I notice I am taking more and more.I love somas and xanax, valium, etc... Have since I started drugs at 12.
Open Meth Addiction & Recovery
when I was 15, my friends mom gave us dope. I smoked it for awhile, then started snorting, then it came to where everybody I knew was shooting dope. I then became a junkie at 16. This went on till I was 22. I wrote thousands of dollars in hot checks, stole from family, didn't matter. I was lost.
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Snapshot
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