brokenvows's Journal

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Monday, March 17, 2008 | A General Update story

I am new to the site as of today. I am 38 yrs old and w/ husband since 15. He's always been kind of controlling but truthfully I probably needed it early on. I am not an angel. The past few years we've mellowed out a bit. Our son is now 17. Last summer we grew a bit distant and finally I confronted him at the end of the summer if there was someone else. "No". I wouldn't have thought so but I felt I had to ask. He is self employed in the summer and works a regular job but crazy hours in the winter. Fall came and I thought things had gotten somewhat better but now I when I look back he was still distant. He was just working so much. Even New Years he said he was working. Beginning of January was rough, barely saw him and when I did he snapped at me or ignored me. Feb 5th, tells me leaving to stay w/ a friend for a week. One week turns to two. Barely any phone contact because he's "working" and doesn't call me back. Feb 19th, day before my birthday, he comes over but looks at me w/ disgust and says only reason why he's there is cause I asked him to come but I don't feel like I can talk to him. Leaves and calls me back a few hours later, picks me and we go for a ride where he proceeds to tell me he had been thinking of leaving me for someone else but that it's over now. Home for two nights. Gone for a week. Fast forward thru hell til Feb 29th. Home for 5 nights, then leaves again. Confronted him at girlfriends house two days later. Barely says anything, I didn't even know they were back together. I called girlfriend next day and found out so many lies he's been giving me. Led me to believe together since Sept but really since July! I am so lost without him. I can't believe he's done this to our family. Now he barely speaks to me but did tell me last week he didn't want a divorce. What the hell does that mean? Does he really think I can stay married to him while he's screwing someone else? Supposedly he's going to sit with me this week but I don't know. I left a message for him on Friday and no return call. I can't call again. This no returning calls is killing me. I have spent the past 24 years of my life devoting myself to him. He knows this is killing me, yet no response. I know I have to believe he's not coming back and I really just don't know how to handle it. I'm the one who paid all the bills while he did whatever he wanted. As long as he was there for me I was ok. I just wanted him there. Now I'll likely be losing my job w/i next 60 days, the house needs a new roof among other things and I don't know if I'll be able to pay the bills. I am so lost without him, lost just knowing that he's moved on with this *&%$ and I never had a clue there was someone else. I even asked him again the night he left on Feb 5th and he said he'd never been unfaithful to me. It's disgusting the pile of lies he's told me. It's like I never had a chance but if I'm his wife should I really have to compete? He knew I'd believe every lie he told me.

Hug broke...

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Comments

I know what you are going through. It is all so unfair that we devote ourselves to them for 23 years in my case and they don't think twice about tearing the family apart. If you ever need to talk...

talinak
When you contact someone, and they consistantly ignore you..you are giving away your power, feeding their ego...and inviting them to treat you worse..Stop calling!
He's treated you like dirt...you say hes with another woman..has told you a load of lies, has terribly broken your trust.. was controling, doesn't care how you're feeling now...has left you high and dry...
Think it over, and over...You deserve so much better..you have been devoted, its a long time, to have to now let go, and move on, and very painful..but move on you must..

Leave them to it...And try looking to your own future...I wish you lots of strength, and the full knowledge that you are worth more..

vonniedisley
My ex is the same. He moved to a friend's house, spendnig days and nights complaining about 'my problems' in the marriage. At the end, his friend even called me saying that he didn't believe 'all these problems my husband accused me of are real problems' Of course, at the end, there was another woman, 20years younger, they slept together in my husband's office. At that moment, all the lies becamse useless. When a man behaved like that, it basically that he is trying to 'find excuse' or force the wife to ask for a divorce and to cover their affair. Why they lie if they have a change of mind. I'd rather they admit whatever it is true.So selfish, they want both: the reputation of being the nice person and the affair

zd2008
I am very sorry for what your going through if you ever need to talk I am a great listener.

Princessv71
I'm so sorry. It hurts so dang much.....I remember too well. Please know that you aren't alone, and that you are the one that will be far, far better off in the end than he ever will be. You will have your self esteem (eventually), and your integrity, knowing that you weren't the one who broke those ultimate vows. You are worth so much more, and when he realizes that he will be sorry. I hope, however, that you are past the point of taking him back when that happens. You deserve more than the pain that he has brought to your life, and may bring in the future if you pin your hopes on him. I hope you find someone who truly deserves your loyalty.

CalyrElf
i can understand the controlling stuff and I am so sorry for what you are going through... anytime you need to talk let me know!

Amanisha