1LostCookieMAL's Journal

So 4 days ago my life changed forever.  As I was on my way to meet Kenton at his work I got  phone call from what I thought was him.  It wasn't.  It was two, thats right, TWO girls that work with him.  They asked if we were still together, I said yes and we have been for 5 years.  They then proceeded to tell me that he has been cheating on me with the both of them.  Ever since then I have been in a fog.  I can't believe that this has happened.  I guess I always knew that he was being dishonest but I never in a million years thought that he would cheat on me.  Its so unbelievable.  I feel like crap.  I feel like everything I have known for the past 5 years has all been a sham.  I hate him for doing this to me but I love him so much more.  How do you stop loving someone?  Where do I go from here?  I hate him and he doesn't deserve to be with me but it puts me in physical pain to know that I am not with him.  We are no longer together.  Kenton and Melissa no longer exist.  I really want to be with him but I know I can't and I don't know if I can ever truly move on from this and be with him again.  Now I am worried that he will move on before I do and that will tear my soul from my body.  I hope that doesn't happen.  I can believe this.  It is so surreal.  I feel like I will wake up from this horrible nightmare and everything will go back to normal.  Please someone wake me up.  Please take this pain away from me.  I cannot deal.  This is the worst pain I have ever felt.

Please God help me.