november27's Journal

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Thursday, May 15, 2008 | A Venting story

i am really struggling with depression . it runs in my family. last week i was a mess i cried over everything . this week im better . I just i get tired of feeling like im doing everything wrong, i feel like a failure as a parent . why cant i get it together and be a good mom that cooks ,cleans, helps with homework and disiplines . in my world i do these things just not on a daily basis. i also work 35-40 hours a week. i hate my job. my boyfriend is somewhat supportive .but he also points out everything thats wrong and that makes me feel worse. he has done good for me too . some times i get paranoid that he is going to chest on me . he talks to 2 other women on the phone once in a while . i had a boyfriend for 18 years and he cheated all the time and he ended up with aids . he died 2 years ago . i for the life of me cant figure out how i didnt catch it. my youngest child was 1 1/2 when he was diagnosed and my whole life changed , the dr. said he had it for a while. THANK GOD ME AND D DID NOT HAVE IT.although it was the longest 2 weeks of my life. now i am sooo dam paranoid about getting cheated on . will this ever change? well i helped take care of mike, made med decisions , but i couldnt give him the love he wanted and i feel so guilty for that. but than i feel like if he was faithful it wouldnt have happened than i am pissed that he took his own life and himself away from 4 kids. i was there with him while he passed alone. WHAT THE HELL KIND OF FAMILY WAITS TIL YOU DIE TO SHOW UP AT THE NURSING HOME 3 HOURS LATER . AND THAN DONT EVEN HONOR WHAT HIS CHILDRENS WISHES WERE.

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Comments

I don't know what kind of family does that probably a not very good one.I don't have any advice for you,oh except two ,just take it one day at a time and if you do something right allow yourself to enjoy that small success
Grass

GrassIsGreen